


The Tale of the Trio: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

by Nievelion



Series: Different Tales, Different Lessons [4]
Category: Kung Fu Panda (Movies)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crossdressing, F/M, Friendship, Humor, Humorous Ending, Romance, Sexual Humor, Shout-outs, Sister-Sister Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-08 13:09:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21476533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nievelion/pseuds/Nievelion
Summary: Crane, Mei Ling, and Wu Jia Walk the Empire to do good deeds and help Jia atone. The three travel first to Shanghai, where (with the help of an old friend and a retired kung fu master) they must infiltrate a new thieves' guild and bring down its master...by disguising themselves as prostitutes. Hilarity Ensues.
Relationships: Crane/Mei Ling (Kung Fu Panda), Mei Ling & Wu Jia
Series: Different Tales, Different Lessons [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1529432
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note on chronology issues again: since the next set of vignettes describe the year during which Crane, Mei, and Jia were traveling the empire, this means we've jumped back in time to between the main story and its epilogue, which would be six-to-seven years before the previous vignettes.

"So, that's all well and good as far as the Furious Five go. Though I doubt you've told me all the gossip yet, especially the really _good_ stuff." Violet eyes twinkling, Jia set down her cup of jasmine dragon phoenix pearls tea on the old wooden table, swallowed the last of her taro mooncake, and leaned forward on her bench as she gazed intently at her half-sister. "But what I want to know, what I absolutely, positively, will die if I don't find out, is…what's it like to curl up with Tai Tai?"

Mei Ling raised an eyebrow as she set down the dumpling she'd been chewing on. "Um, correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't _you_ the one who was kissing and cuddling with him in his bedroom your first night in the Valley? You should already know all there is to know, sis. I didn't even get to do that—just snuggling in hallways." She sounded far too regretful of that fact.

The ex-Wu Sister pouted cutely, crossing her arms over her chest as she hunched down on the bench. "Yeah, once! But I didn't even get to stay there long before he woke up and shoved me off. Then I had to hightail it out of there when Tigress showed up—and she was the one he was dreaming about the whole time, anyway, so I couldn't even really enjoy it!" She paused, her expression turning wistful, her voice yearning. "You got to kiss him way more than I did…and all that snuggling in the hallways…you've just gotta tell me, what was it like?!"

Her half-sister paused, glanced somewhat furtively around the darkened, wood-paneled interior of the tea shop, then smiled slowly, suggestively, her brown eyes smoldering with rampant hunger. "What do you think it was like? The guy's as solid as a mountain peak, but covered with all that soft fur…it's like cuddling with a fluffy boulder. And being in his arms is like being right next to a blacksmith's forge."

Jia let out a blissful sigh, clasped her paws in front of her chest, and giggled naughtily. "And…what did he smell like?"

"Mmm." Mei Ling took another drink of her lapsang souchong and then smiled mysteriously. "Musky. Earthy. Cedar. And a little like a ylang-ylang, actually."

The snow leopardess snickered. "That makes a lot of sense actually. Must be from all those injuries he has to treat from the kwoon." Her eyes lit up all the more brightly and her voice dropped to a sultry whisper. "And what about…how he kisses?"

He couldn't take it any more. Setting his cup of black lychee down with a _thunk_, Crane spread his wings wide on the table top, guard feathers gleaming in the sunlight streaming through the eastern window, and glared at them pointedly. "You know, I _am_ sitting right here."

Both felines jumped and looked extremely apologetic and guilty, especially Mei Ling, who had nearly spilled her tea on her lap. "Oh! I am _so_ sorry, hon. I completely forgot you were there! But really, I didn't mean anything by it. You're my one and only, you know that." The mountain cat smiled winsomely at him, even though he didn't let up one bit in the frostiness of his gaze.

"Yeah!" Jia said brightly, her expression as guileless and innocent as he'd ever seen it, something that made him even more suspicious. "He's with Tigress anyway, I've given them my blessing and everything—you were there, Jien. It's just girl talk, you know?" She grinned artfully at her half-sister. "Besides, it's _Tai Lung_. A girl can dream, can't she? I just like to _look_ at him."

"Me _too_," Mei Ling agreed fervently.

Crane groaned and rested his forehead on the table edge.

It hadn't been like this to start with, or even for the entire journey east, thank the gods. In fact their departure from the Valley, delayed as it had been, had been filled with tears, embraces, and the mending of long-severed bonds among the entire remaining Wu family—and, he had to admit, the establishing of such between them and himself.

For after she had finally been able to bring herself to break her embrace with Jia at the foot of the Jade Mountain steps (though she'd still latched onto the snow leopardess's paw and would not let go), Xu Mei had turned to the waterfowl with a watery smile, extended her free arm, and offered him a place in her family as well. Gone, it seemed, was the prejudice or at least disapproval that the mountain cat had once cast upon him for being a different species than her beloved daughter, only kindness, love, and gentleness shining on her aged face and in her bright blue eyes.

Crane had no idea if she had simply changed her view of him over time, a mellowing brought on by new ways of thinking and a realization how much the Li Dai graduate had come to love Mei Ling, or if Mei herself were responsible for the change, but he'd welcomed it all the same, and the embrace—even as he softly sighed in relief. After having finally escaped the clutches of his harridan aunt, the last thing he'd wanted was to have a nightmare for a mother-in-law to take her place.

After that, the four of them had had a heartwarming lunch together at Ping's, exchanged stories and all the news that had been left out of brief missives and reports—that had been left out by fifteen years of isolation, hate, and silence—and promised that they would spend much more time catching up after the kung fu warriors' travels had been completed. (If Mei hadn't gently told her mother they intended to be on the road for a year, Xu Mei had been all set to camp out right there in the Valley, or move into the Jade Palace, and Crane would have paid a considerable sum to watch the fireworks when her will had met Shifu's.)

But then Jia had surprisingly been the one to remind her stepmother they needed to be going, before daylight was gone and the weather turned against them. And so with a few more hugs, a kiss on the cheek, and whispers of how happy she was to have her little girl back, Xu Mei had bid them farewell, standing by the foot of the moon bridge to watch until they reached the edge of the Valley and their figures had become too tiny to discern.

As if this had opened the floodgates, the ex-assassin had regaled her half-sister after that—across the Thread of Hope, down out of the mountains, through the fields, farms, and forests of Hubei, and through the start of the trek across Anhui, Jia had spoken of Xu Mei, of how seeing her again after all these years and being accepted back by her had reminded her of everything she'd lost, all the pain and heartache, everything she'd tried to forget or pretend didn't exist so as to keep from torturing herself with what she could never have again, what she did not deserve.

And then Mei Ling in turn had kept up an endless stream of apologies, as much for what she'd said and done during their battle in the Vault of Heroes (which, of course, Crane had missed out on) as for her actions of the past fifteen years—for calling her a dishonorable cheat, for believing she could actually kill Wu Xuan let alone in such a cowardly and cruel manner, for not immediately guessing the whole thing had Xiu's paw prints all over it; for leaving Jia alone and unfairly hated, just the way Xiu had wanted, so that the snow leopardess had been allowed to stew in her guilt and self-loathing, utterly crushed and on the verge of breaking entirely. Jia had responded by apologizing for not being able to save their father, for letting Xiu ruin all their lives; Mei had promised to take her to Wu Xuan's grave, just as she'd wanted.

However…after three or four days, somewhere in the middle of Anhui, things had begun to change. Once no more apologies could be made without repeating themselves, once all tears had been shed that could be, and once the two half-sisters had grown extremely close again—with Crane feeling rather uncomfortable and ignored, even as he completely understood why it was happening and undeniably encouraged the re-forging of their relationship—they had fallen into a companionable silence for some miles. And then the gossip had begun.

As if the renewal of their loving bonds had made it so no time had passed, as if by reliving the past they could point ahead to a better future, the women began to indulge in one story, reminiscence, and anecdote after another…most of them revolving around their time together as students at Li Dai. Some of the tales, Crane had to admit, were worth remembering, even funny; some were ones he'd actually managed not to witness or hear about, thanks to being both an extremely diligent student and an introverted recluse; others, however, involved him in rather embarrassing and compromising situations, and even the ones that didn't tended to remind him of things he'd wished he could forget.

Practical jokes, which somehow he'd always taken the brunt of—either by being the recipient or taking the blame. Though he had to admit that even if Master Hu hadn't caught every one she'd carried out, Jia had been punished for enough of her pranks to be fair…and then creatively found ways to make those punishments far more lively and entertaining than they had any right to be. At least for her and the waterfowl; the instructors set to watch over their discipline somehow didn't enjoy her improvements quite as much—ants poured down trousers, slippery floor wax cunningly applied to chair seats, and extremely hot pepper added to afternoon tea were just the beginning…

Then there were the usual complaints heard in any school setting: the instructors they'd liked and hated, the classes they'd found boring or fascinating, the rather unique punishments they'd had to endure—hyperactive Jia had once been forced to perch atop a bamboo pole, staying absolutely still and perfectly balanced no matter how the master below had continually struck, slammed into, or shook her support (it had been the staying still part that had nearly driven her crazy), while Mei Ling had had to wait on visiting dignitaries in full noblewoman regalia as befitted her station in Kunlun Shan, gritting her teeth all the while.

Cleaning floors, washing clothes, kitchen duty—all things Crane had originally performed as a janitor, and which he not only had no difficulty with but even relished as the humbling character-building exercises they truly were. Late-night study sessions cramming for exams early the next morning, wherein they'd all complained about trying to keep names straight, whether historical figures or dynasties. Poetry, which despite loving calligraphy Mei Ling had detested—because, she said, she preferred to look at beautiful things, not wax eloquent about them with fancy language; the only kind she liked was haiku, and there "they don't give you _enough_ syllables to really talk about it!"—but Jia had actually been fond of it. And none of them had particularly relished the endless drills and long marches either, as necessary as they'd known they were to their education.

But then they'd started in on old classmates, particularly past crushes, and it had degenerated from there into the sort of utterly ridiculous and vapid 'conversation' he was currently enduring, and he could only listen woodenly as if watching two rickshaws on a collision course, unable to look away from the impending destruction. Was this what he'd have to put up with all the way to Shanghai? Or…Ti'en help him…for the entire year they'd be traveling together?

It seemed so, since his attempts to derail their conversation into something edifying or at least interesting, such as when he suggested they compare notes on anatomy, and particularly the art of pressure points, had gone nowhere. Oh, Jia had been intrigued at first, partly by the contrast between Crane's knowledge gleaned directly from healers and Mei having learned such things from the thousand scrolls, and partly because she knew little of such things herself—as she observed dryly, Chun had been the healer among the Wu Sisters, and not only was her knowledge rudimentary compared to theirs, sufficient to handle the kinds of injuries they might sustain but no deeper, she hadn't been in the habit of sharing it. Yet after listening attentively to his lecture for some minutes, Jia had asked her half-sister some inconsequential question or other, and soon enough they'd descended back into school-days exploits once more, leaving him to stew.

Even trying to ignore them entirely and instead distract himself with the landscape or striking up conversations with passersby and inn guests didn't help. Because while the forests, rocks, and riverbanks of Anhui were quite lovely to look at, particularly when the morning frost coated the trees, grasses, and other plant life—to the point he thought the scenery would make a beautiful painting, and he was itching to break out his watercolors—his appreciation was marred by the acknowledgment that the cold and damp would be terrible to fly in. Not to mention the ice which had formed everywhere he looked reminded him rather unsettlingly of Heian Chao…

As for those they encountered on the road, when he wasn't recognized as Master Crane and therefore mobbed with requests for autographs, 'small' bandit problems to eliminate, or matchmaking mothers as determined to wed him to their daughters as the Gorilla Bandit with his sights set on a prosperous village to despoil, the rarity of seeing a lone male traveling with two such vivacious and lovely women gave…far too many people the wrong idea. Which, once Mei Ling and Jia became aware of the problem, only led to peals of hilarious laughter—and them absolutely playing their 'roles' to the hilt.

By the time the fawning felines had praised their owner's virile prowess in dulcet tones in every village they passed through, and three different men had approached him about the prospect of purchasing "such fine concubines", Crane was completely mortified…and he'd only been able to dissuade the buyers with extreme threats to life and limb and more than a few veiled glares from beneath his _dou li_. Although he was certain if Jia and Mei knew about the offers, they'd have quite been able to fight the salacious men off all by themselves—for such insulting prices, if nothing else. (Or would they have been extremely flattered?! He truly had no idea…) At least some of them limited themselves merely to winks, nudges, and hearty congratulations for his good fortune.

And yet he would take all of that, no matter how ignominious, to the endless school chatter which carried them across Jiangsu. He'd hoped that such things would peter out as they traveled eastward, that eventually the girls would work it out of their systems—a fruitless hope, since there always seemed to be more gossip to share, more memories to reminisce upon, and more jokes to make at the expense of old classmates and instructors. What was worse, though, was that he'd even prefer that in turn to being forced to listen to them babble incessantly about Tai Lung and his animal magnetism. Even stopping at this tea shop in Yixing hadn't put an end to the glowing, often lurid praise; until this moment, he hadn't even been able to get a word in edgewise, let alone convince them they might want to choose a different topic of discussion.

While he'd been contemplating all this, in fact, they had started up again, although at least this time they gravitated away from the new master of the Jade Palace, albeit obliquely. After one more sympathetic and apologetic glance to Crane, Mei Ling turned back to her half-sister and chuckled, leaning forward on one elbow. "_Anyway_, speaking of Tai Lung, I almost forgot: do you remember Ji Tao?"

Jia snorted before taking another sip of tea. "That happy-go-lucky fox? The class clown? How could I forget?"

The mountain cat looked smugly satisfied. "Well, turns out he cleaned up his act. Settled down, mellowed out, took his studies seriously. And not only did he master everything they set before him, if you can believe it, he modeled himself after Tai Lung."

"Really?" For the first time Crane sat up and paid attention; not just because he'd never believed such a thing possible of Tao—who had been a good friend, a guaranteed (and most definitely necessary) lightener of moods, and surprisingly warm and pleasant to be around when he wasn't indulging in yet another zany scheme or wild antic—but because he'd not thought anybody had based their training on Tai Lung's example. Certainly not someone like the fox. "How?"

Mei Ling smiled. "Well, seems he found a way to channel his mischievous energies. Remember how Tai completely thrashed Xiu by baffling her with every kung fu style and move he knew, all mixed up and constantly changing?"

"I sure do," Jia purred darkly. Crane shifted a bit uncomfortably.

"That's the sort of thing Tao learned to do. You remember he was always the…unorthodox sort. Once he applied that to his kung fu studies, he turned into a creative fighter, mastering the art of the unexpected. Seems the few times Tai left the Jade Palace for exhibitions or competitions, somebody was impressed enough to note down his techniques and skills, and Tao found their accounts. He's not a fighter on Tai's level, of course, but what he did learn, and the way he adapted himself to confuse and overwhelm his opponents, was pretty remarkable." Mei Ling smiled wider, leaning back in her chair and clasping her paws behind her head. "And our instructors weren't the only ones impressed. Bet you'll never guess where he is now."

The former Wu Sister blinked, frowned, and then perched her chin cutely on her closed fist. "Hmm. Well, he can't be with that slut who always kicked everybody's asses. You wouldn't be so happy about it."

Mei Ling shuddered. "Gods, no. Besides, she's a brothel madam now."

"Typical. What a waste! Um…there's no way he could have partnered up with that guy who used to look at you all the time, the one who was so shy." Jia grinned at Crane as he opened his bill. "Not you, Jien, the other one. The gangly panther. Not even a new-and-improved, badass fox fighter could have gotten that one to leave his scrolls behind and travel around bashing in heads, doing good deeds." Her eyes narrowed. "Unless he turned into some suave, boisterous bruiser when I wasn't looking." When Mei Ling didn't answer immediately, only looked rather knowing, Jia gasped. "No way!"

The mountain cat couldn't maintain the façade and started laughing almost at once. "Had you going, didn't I? No, that hasn't happened. Though he _did_ fill out and buff up like you wouldn't believe, he's still as sweet, shy, and tongue-tied as ever. Adorable, really." Before the snow leopardess could reply, she went on, "He's also a member of the Imperial bodyguards now. Along with Tao. Who's their head."

For a moment silence reigned. Then Jia began to laugh while Crane grinned broadly. "Well, what do you know…good for him! I'll have to make sure and look him up, next time I'm in the capital. You know, when it's safe and all."

The waterfowl reached out and laid his wing feathers comfortingly on the snow leopardess's paw as she briefly allowed the gloom and depression of her dark past to hang over her again. Then he picked up the clay zisha teapot and poured more tea for himself before lifting his cup in a toast. "To Tao: proof that no matter what we used to be, we can always have a bright future."

Each of the women murmured agreement as they lifted their cups and drank as well. But when Jia had set hers down again, she still looked rather glum and sorrowful. "You're right, of course…what went before doesn't mean we can't make something better of ourselves. And Mei's been reminding me that even the past isn't as dark as I remembered it…that there were still good times, good people, things worth revisiting. I just…" She bit her lip and raised her eyes to the varnished roof of the tea shop, to the lintel which overhung the door with its carved drip tiles shaped like bats for good luck and happiness.

"It's hard to move on when there's still so much that was lost. All that time I could have had with Mother. Master Hu, who I should have saved but didn't. And our father…he was so brave, so strong, such a good man…but in the end, he didn't receive all five blessings. He had a love of virtue, good health, good fortune, even a pretty long life. But it still ended way too soon…and it certainly wasn't a painless passing." Her expression turned bleak.

Crane sighed; so that was what this was all about. He should have realized it wasn't just brainless giggling or female silliness. Jia was still suffering, and would be for quite some time to come—you didn't get over the murder of someone you loved in your own arms, being blamed for it, or enduring emotional blackmail and self-loathing for fifteen years just because people knew the truth and the one responsible for it all had been dealt with.

"Jia, I know it isn't enough, I know you won't forgive yourself yet, but remember this: you did justice upon Xiu when you helped Tai Lung stop her. And now she's been put away where she can't hurt anyone any more. So even if he didn't die painlessly, I think Wu Xuan is at peace now. You helped Mei keep her promise to him, and now he won't be suffering any more. From what Tai Lung told us, his spirit certainly seemed content." He smiled gently. "Even in death, he is fully blessed, without pain, and it's because of you."

Mei Ling was looking at him in admiration, her love for him burning brightly in her brown eyes to such an extent he could only berate himself anew for being fool enough to miss it for so long. "What he said. There's really nothing I can add to that, except: thank you."

Jia had nothing to say after that either, only smiling at him with tears in her eyes as she silently finished the last of the mooncakes. When they had given their dishware to their server, along with a generous tip, and bowed respectfully to the tearoom owner, a formally-dressed, perfumed and powdered pig who all in all presented a very lovely image, the snow leopardess was still pensive, in fact, although her distant gaze seemed more introspective than burdened with guilt. As they passed beneath the _fu_ carvings and out onto the shop's front porch, though, her half-sister moved up beside her, took her paw and squeezed it, and then grinned in slightly naughty fashion, clearly intent on cheering her up further.

"So now that that's all said and done, how about I tell you what happened to that bitch at school everyone hated?"

The ex-assassin managed a self-deprecating smirk. "You mean me?"

Mei laughed and elbowed her. "No, not you, and not our eldest sister, either. The _other_ bitch."

"Oh, _her_." Jia sneered elegantly. "What about her?"

"Well…" And as they walked through the streets of Yixing toward the road east, as the mountain cat began detailing just what fate had befallen their former classmate in the intervening years, Crane had to allow that this story, at least, with as delicious a karmic fate as it related, was worth spending the miles of travel to hear.

* * *

Of course, this didn't mean the rest of the trip was free of obstacles, annoyances, and problems cropping up—although now it wasn't due to conflict in their group or Crane having to put up with conversations he couldn't unhear and presumptuous male travelers. It was due to the news…rumors at first, but then more substantive and undeniable reports from merchants and nobles, priests and even the common folk…which began reaching their ears as they branched off from the Yangtze to follow the Huangpu, drawing ever closer to Shanghai.

Lawlessness often ran rampant in that particular city, of course, and the criminal underground there was pernicious, resilient, and extremely well-connected—some corrupt emperors of the past had agreed to look the other way so long as they received significant bribes or outright cuts of the profits from their illegal activities, while weak ones had been forced to do nothing, their hands tied while gang leaders, wokou, and crime bosses of various stripes who commanded more money, loyalty, or manpower than they ran amok…ruling the city, the province, and all along the coast with as much authority and influence as a strong emperor would. Periodically soldiers from the capital, or carefully selected bands of warriors sent by the Kung Fu Council, would descend upon Shanghai's streets and docks to restore the peace, expunging these lowlife elements and making the city safe for good, law-abiding citizens once more. The criminals always came back, of course.

This time the rumors and reports spoke of a new thieves' guild in the city. While newly-formed and still gathering members and strength, the activities its leader was funding and setting into motion were worrisome, dangerous as well as troublesome for the empire as a whole. Not the typical street thievery or bribing which all such organizations trafficked in, but things which threatened the very life-blood of China—trade. To hear travelers tell of it, this guild was involved in setting exorbitantly high tariffs and docking fees at the port, confiscating goods, outright smuggling and plundering, and stealing tax funds from the imperial treasury.

As if that wasn't enough, the sale of opium—which had been banned by both Emperor Chen's father and grandfather with a renewal by Chen himself, save for carefully regulated small amounts for medicinal and religious purposes—was on the rise again on the black market, with dens sprouting up all over the city. And if certain infuriated whispers were true, brothels had also fallen under this guild leader's eye, with the result that numerous young women (and men) were filling the establishments to bursting, drawn by the need for money to offset their desperately poor circumstances or even kidnapped and enslaved to be sold across the empire…and even overseas.

Dealing with such disturbing and repugnant practices was not, of course, why they'd been coming to Shanghai—the girls had been more interested in the tourism and the vast shopping district, while Crane had wished to visit numerous locales dedicated to artistry, spirituality, and the beauty of nature, such as the Huating School of calligraphy and painting; Longhua Temple with its extensive monastery complex and grounds; and the exquisite, wondrous rockeries and bridges, pavilions and moongates, rosewood halls and dragon walls, placid lakes and richly profuse blossoms of Yu Garden. But naturally none of them would countenance leaving such a venal, cruel, appalling criminal in power, or allowing him to threaten the empire and carry out such disgusting activities…so without even having to discuss it in more than a few words, each of them knew their plans had changed, and they would be doing all in their power to bring this man and his guild down.

It was just a matter of getting there…and finding out all the information they could about him and his hideout, so that they could formulate the proper plan.

Luckily the last two or three days of their journey were peaceful and uneventful aside from the constant warnings from travelers they met to turn back if they valued their lives, their goods, and the women's chastity, since the guild concerned itself only with the city proper and only with trade coming into the port, not along the roads. For now. And when they finally descended through the fields and forests along the Huangpu to come around the last river bend and behold the city that lay at its mouth, they already knew where they would go.

While there were many people in Shanghai who would respect and revere the mistress of the thousand scrolls and one of the Furious Five, most of them would still be too frightened of the guildmaster and his bullyboy enforcers to dare to take them in. Crane would not put the scholars and artists of Huating in danger, nor the monks of Longhua, even if such neutral parties would choose a side by offering them sanctuary, hardly a sure thing. And of course there were no officials or constabulary to speak of, at least none that were strong enough to do any good and weren't already in the guild's pocket.

But there was one who would help and whom no one would suspect, one who would instantly aid any from the Valley of Peace (even while caustically insulting and disparaging Shifu and anyone whom he'd taught the entire time) and who was also known to them as an established firebrand, rebel, and defender of justice and liberty, though he had kept quiet, unobtrusive, and subversive in recent years and thus would likely have slipped the new guildmaster's notice. The great artist and kung fu warrior, Chen the jerboa.

Down from the heights of the hills which cradled the Huangpu, past the last straggling trees of the forest and farmers' fields, and through the low outer wall onto the islands of the delta they traveled, and before Crane knew it they were surrounded by buildings, wending their way through the maze of countless streets and alleys which composed the great, if venal, city. Everywhere he looked there were throngs of people going about their daily business, with the vast majority being vendors and customers at the numerous marketplaces.

There were seemingly endless amounts of stone bridges arching over the river's winding courses; docks and piers reached by steps that led right down to the water's edge where boats, rafts, and barges of every sort were moored; pavilions and benches and gardens overhung by willows and cypresses; lanterns hung on poles and lines stretching across the streets, vying in many places with drying laundry; courtyards and passages, fountains and ponds, cobbled paths and wooden walkways, much of it dirty, grungy, and murky with the grime of centuries of crowding but some of it pristine, well taken care of, and adorned with statuary and artwork—overlain by the veneer of beauty and richness which attempted to conceal Shanghai's dark underbelly.

And of course, the buildings themselves, ranging from ugly, misshapen shanties to the rich palaces and residences of nobles, merchants, and functionaries, from closely pressed warehouses and smugglers' dens which rose over and around the vast port district to sprawling schools and monasteries, from opium dens and brothels in the red light district to the numerous shikumen which towered in tier after tier of curving rooftops.

It was all so vast, so loud, so complex and disorganized and wildly populated that even after having been to larger cities, including the capital—which after all was far more regimented, carefully planned, and dutifully cleaned and tended than an organic and chaotic city such as this—Crane was quickly overwhelmed...and, in no time at all, quite lost.

However, unsurprisingly—because she had been traveling the empire for years while mastering the thousand scrolls and performing kung fu deeds of valor and heroism while the waterfowl was secreted away in the Valley of Peace—Mei Ling had not only been here before, she knew Chen and just as importantly where he lived...so she could lead them right to him. Seemingly at random she chose their path, directing them down ever-narrowing side streets where the upper floors of the townhouses overhung the roadways, beneath banners both colorful and drab strung overhead between the lines of laundry, under ancient arches of teak and pine carved with hanzi identifying the different districts, among and around the countless rickshaws weaving through the foot traffic, and past the brick walls that fronted more tightly packed dwellings.

At last she passed under a stone arch into the darkest and most cramped _lòngtang_ yet (although it remained at least relatively clean) before stopping at the door of a wooden house which looked no different to Crane than any of the others, other than perhaps being a bit larger, slightly better kept, and of warmer hues. Here she knocked, briskly, in a carefully spaced and clearly meaningful pattern.

Before the waterfowl could ask what its significance was (besides, obviously, an entrance code), the door suddenly jerked open and a pair of feminine eyes startlingly like Jia's—only paler, more lavender than violet—peered out of the shadowed interior of the building. "Come on! Don't just stand there like fenceposts, get in here!" The owner of the eyes moved to the side, and as soon as all three of them had belatedly hurried into the house, she shut the door firmly behind them.

It took several minutes for Crane's eyes to adjust to the dimmer shadows within the dwelling, but for some reason now that they were inside and safe from prying eyes and unwanted attention, the woman who had let them in no longer seemed to be in such a hurry, thus allowing him time to get a better sense of just where they had found themselves. Chen's house (for such he had to assume it to be) was just as plain and simple on the inside as without, but this did not make it any less a home: large and clean as a whistle, something Crane suspected was due to the woman next to them and not any doing of Chen's (from what Oogway had told him, the jerboa was as hopeless at domestic tasks as Shifu and as absent-minded as the turtle), the place was warm. Not literally warm, but something the waterfowl could feel in the air around him.

Naturally enough, all the walls and doors were constructed of wood, as a peasant's house should be, for even if Chen wasn't exactly a peasant, that was the sort of life he had chosen for himself in his twilight years—if not after retiring from kung fu, then after retiring from commission work for his namesake Emperor. The old master could afford paper screens, it seemed, but otherwise chose to use his money on things other than the decorative, and above all seemed interested in conserving space, even hoarding it. For instance, from what Crane could see, the entire back half of the first floor made up his studio rather than being a separate structure.

The front half was divided evenly into a sitting room (where they now stood) and a kitchen he could just see into over a wooden countertop and a set of cupboards which hung suspended from the ceiling. The bedrooms, he had to assume, were on the second floor, accessible by a single staircase against the wall that divided the sitting room and kitchen. As for the room around him, which had wooden walls to match the floor, it was only minimally furnished with a writing desk, a couple of chairs that looked extremely rigid and uncomfortable, and a trunk—although there were a few small details, like draperies at some of the windows, a hand-woven rug on the floor, and a few vases of fresh flowers adding color to the otherwise dull browns and grays of the room, to suggest a woman's touch.

A free-standing screen stood against the wall to his left, presumably meant to cover the window on that side although it currently stood partly folded to let sunbeams spill across the time-worn floorboards; that screen, along with several lengths of silk and parchment on the walls marked with calligraphy, were the only visible signs that an artist made this place home, although each watercolor Crane beheld made him gasp softly. Such was the skill with richly-hued inks and delicately swirled paint that the images of looming, mist-wreathed hills; the trees, flowers, and waterfalls which flowed down them; and the angled tiers of slate rooftops which poked almost shyly from their forested slopes, seemed to actually be alive and moving before his eyes. He would have doffed his hat, if he hadn't already done so thanks to the shadowy interior.

It would have seemed a strange place for a revered and famous kung fu master to dwell, apart from its artistic touches, except the avian knew Chen had never been one to draw attention to himself, seek fame and fortune, or accept praise for his accomplishments whatsoever. He had learned kung fu, from what Oogway had said, solely because it was necessary to preserve the empire, and so as to achieve balance, and in his mind his art, as beautiful and skilled as it was, only existed to brighten households and express philosophical truths he could never put into words, let alone admit believing. Nothing more. A man such as that would assuredly live in a place as simple as this—his personality, his views, his very nature of looking at the world, set him apart and already made him a hermit; this abode was merely a physical manifestation of it.

Of course it was quite clear that however much he wished to be left alone, Chen had to put up with someone else's presence if he was to receive any meals or have his home taken care of, let alone performing the outside interactions necessary for basic survival. That was in fact what Mei and Jia were counting on (aside from Chen's clandestine connections with gossip chains and Shanghai's more subversive, rebellious elements), and it was all embodied in the now rather impatient woman who stood waiting for them to make up their minds and state their business. Offering an apologetic smile, Crane turned to face her.

"Well, it's about time you noticed me," she grumbled peevishly, although he thought there was more aspersion in her tone than outright venom; her voice sounded surprisingly young, though not too high-pitched, and otherwise gentle. "I'm not a servant, whatever that crusty old fart in the kitchen will tell you, nor am I a piece of furniture, so it's about time you acknowledge my presence in the world." She sniffed audibly and elevated her nose.

The woman, he saw, was a Balinese cat who looked to be around fifty or so; plump and pleasantly shaped and dressed in a blue _qipao_, with thick cream colored fur and a brown face, paws, ears and tail, she had eyes of a pale lavender that somehow managed to still convey a cheerful warmth despite her current attitude. Oddly enough, she reminded him a great deal of Mei Ling's mother Xu Mei, or rather how she had looked twenty years ago, and the resemblance was as reassuring as it was familiar.

Not that she seemed in the mood to be dispensing motherly wisdom or offering dumplings and a pot of tea. But just as he was about to apologize for his extreme lack of courtesy, the cat suddenly laid eyes on Mei Ling, and all annoyance vanished into astonishment. "Mei Mei?"

"Yan-Yan!" the mountain cat squealed in surprisingly girlish fashion—and then she was leaping forward to wrap her arms around the matronly woman, even lifting her off the floor in her effusiveness, as the two of them dissolved into a rapid-fire exchange of words which seemed focused entirely on seeing how quickly they could catch each other up on their lives.

For several minutes the waterfowl could not get any words in edgewise, only watch flabbergasted and occasionally catch Jia's eye to try and procure an explanation, though the snow leopardess only smirked knowingly and shook her head; he did notice a certain unhappy envy in her own violet eyes which he was sure was due to this being another example of the love and kindness her half-sister had known for years...which she had been denied. Crane was about to step in (he'd already concluded that it was by making this Yan-Yan's acquaintance that Mei had learned of Chen and his abode) when another voice interrupted the proceedings—and this one was as gravelly, harsh, and cantankerous as Yan-Yan's was kind and no-nonsense.

"If this gets any more cloying, I'll vomit. What the hell's the matter with you, woman? Did I tell you you could let everyone in the empire traipse through my living room? No, I distinctly remember saying _quite_ the opposite. And _even_ if I had been nuts enough to give such a ridiculous amount of leeway, it wouldn't have included filling my house with giggling and brainless gossip!"

Crane looked around for the speaker, even as he winced to himself; he didn't know which was worse, that offense had been given to a great and venerable kung fu master...or the likely reaction of Mei and Yan-Yan to his reprimand...but someone had to try and maintain some sense of decorum and propriety here. But for several bewildering moments he couldn't find any hint as to where or who the grumpy-sounding fellow was—until he remembered the species of their host. At the same time, the voice snapped again, "Down here, oaf."

Automatically he dropped his gaze—and discovered a very small, very old, and incredibly wrinkled rodent who stood no higher than his knee. Clad in homespun robes that looked to have been ancient when the empire was founded, coated with mingled dust and dried paint, and squinting up at him as if he were badly in need of corrective lenses (although there was a sharpness to his gaze that belied those rheumy eyes), the jerboa had the biggest ears Crane had ever seen, larger than Shifu's even. He also seemed to have an even worse temper, judging by the fact he seemed ready to whack the bird's legs out from under him, or else poke him in the side, with his walking stick.

Before he could do so, though, the Balinese turned calmly from her warm embrace with Mei Ling, stared imperiously down at the rodent, and spoke with a forcefulness which brooked no argument and the condescension one might use with a very small child, as if she had no idea whom she was addressing. Or every idea. "Do you mind, old man? Mei Ling and I are having a discussion which has everything to do with love, something you couldn't possibly understand." As if he hadn't even spoken, she went right back to quizzing the mountain cat about her adventures since they'd last seen each other.

The kung fu master glared at her back—but strangely enough didn't pursue the matter. Instead he growled under his breath, gripped his robes in both tiny hands, and tried again, at a more moderate volume but still just as nastily. "Be that as it may, I am not a charity case, I do not take in star-crossed lovers or similar idiots, and I only do commissions these days by special appointment, so—"

Crane hastened to intervene. "I'm so sorry, sir, but we've come a very long way to see you. You are Master Bian Chen, _the_ Chen?"

A sharp report echoed in the room as the walking stick struck the floor boards. "_Will_ you people stop calling me that?! I'm not a 'The'!" Despite his bitter scorn, the waterfowl took heart. The man was a legendary warrior, his reputation up there with the likes of Master Flying Rhino, Master Frog, and even Master Dog. He had faced down entire armies, fought time and again alongside Oogway against demons and assassins—and had always won—had wielded the Invisible Trident of Destiny, and had split mountains. In half. _With his chi!_ Any student of kung fu in his right mind would have given up a kidney to accomplish half as much as Chen had...and yet he still professed to a certain humility.

"It's so good to meet you at last!" Crane interjected again, somewhat diplomatically. "I'm Master Crane of—"

"Oh, it's you," Chen snorted, as if he'd always known who his visitor was and had been expecting him...like the plague. He turned away dismissively. "One of that pompous fool's students. I still don't know what Oogway ever saw in him..." Suddenly he was twisting back again to skewer the bird with a penetrating glare. "He still putting on airs? He had the audacity to name himself 'Teacher', as if none of the rest of us had more knowledge than he had in his tail bone. And now he's calling himself Grand Master, too."

"Chen..." Yan-Yan scolded him mildly, but there was an undertone of iron that made Crane glad it hadn't been directed at him.

The jerboa ignored her, still scowling. "I mean, _really_," he ranted waspishly, "is that fat windbag that dense, or does he really think nobody else in the empire could possibly confuse you five for others of your species? No other tigers or monkeys or vipers about, oh no, everyone _must_ know who you are because _he_ trained you! How's it feel, having your family names and ancestors expunged so that the only thing anyone knows you for is your kung fu style? Do you even remember your real names any more?"

"Chen..." The Balinese sounded much more dangerous this time, a definite snarling growl underlying her voice now. Crane took another unobtrusive step away from her.

"Of course we do, mine's He Jien," he answered soothingly...even if he had to admit, with a certain uncomfortable reluctance, that as caustic and vicious as the jerboa's words were, he actually had a point or two.

"Hah!" Chen jabbed at him with his stick, only missing the bird's side because he swiftly dodged. "And I bet he sent you here, didn't he? What's he want, trying to pressure me to come out of retirement? Wants me to see that precious Dragon Warrior of his now that he's finally got him under his thumb? Going to wave his title around in my face, as if I even wanted it—?"

"_Chen_!" Yan-Yan slammed her hand down hard on a cabinet top, and while the jerboa didn't flinch, he did finally turn and look at her again, rather rebelliously. "Am I to take it you were wanting boiled hay for supper tonight, then? Or should I just paralyze you from the neck down again and leave you that way until dawn?"

That seemed to shut him up, even cow him. It also made Crane stare at the Balinese, beak hanging open soundlessly—how could this lovely if plain-spoken woman possibly know a kung fu nerve strike? Had Chen taught her?—until Mei Ling stepped smoothly into the silence. "What I didn't tell you, Jien, is that Yan-Yan and I go back a number of years. And that she's not only Master Chen's cook, she's one of the best doctors in Shanghai, even if she had to learn it secondhand from her ex-husband. She knows all about pressure points and how to use them." This last was purred rather smugly, and this time Chen did wince slightly.

"Jien?" Yan-Yan smiled broadly at the mistress of the thousand scrolls as something other than her employer and his constant crabbiness drew her attention. "You mean...?"

"That's right," Mei Ling nodded assertively, cheeks pink with pleasure. "He's the one I always told you about, and now he's mine. I finally followed your advice."

The Balinese smirked, eyes twinkling. "Hit him over the head with a frying pan and drag him back to your bedroom?"

Mei Ling laughed, even as she flushed and eyed Crane askance; he ducked under his _li_ and felt like sinking through the floor. "Something like that."

"I _like_ her," Jia observed archly, purring.

"Enough chit-chat," Chen interrupted owlishly, if much more subdued than before, perhaps because he didn't like the idea of these three females uniting against him any more than Crane did. "You were about to tell me why you _are_ here."

Suddenly more thankful to the jerboa than he ever thought he could be (or had a right to be), Crane nodded swiftly and stepped forward again, coughing discreetly. "Er...yes. Well, you see, sir, we heard a great deal of disturbing rumors on the road coming here, so we wanted to know just how many of them were true. Mei Ling knew where you lived, and that you keep an ear to the underground...she hoped you could tell us about...Kang Yuwang."

Instantly the house went silent and a chill seemed to fill the air—before Chen snorted in disgust. "Oh. _Him_." He turned away dismissively, as if he had no intention of speaking further, but then as he stumped over toward one of the bookshelves he suddenly stopped, looked back, and skewered the air with his walking stick. "Well, I suppose it's about time someone did something about that ass, so listen up 'cause I'm only gonna say this once." Swiftly Crane looked to his companions, got eager nods of acceptance in return, and then as Yan-Yan sat down in a nearby chair and began to knit, they all gathered around and the jerboa began.

"Kang's that sort of delightful fellow who manages to be just stupid enough to make everyone who meets him hate him, but just smart enough to make the right friends in high places, get just enough power, to stay one step ahead of the authorities and safe from any reprisals."

The Balinese cat snorted as her needles clicked together softly. "Oh, you mean like you?"

"He doesn't have my scintillating personality," Chen shot back. "Now, _if_ I may continue? If that's all right with you?"

"I suppose," Yan-Yan sniffed, elevating her nose.

"_Thank_ you," he said dryly, with towering sarcasm. "I don't know what I'd do without your illustrious permission."

"Suffer terribly, most likely," she observed clinically, as if diagnosing an illness. "Although come to think of it, you _never_ ask for it, you always say and do whatever you like. And yet you wonder why I have...issues with you."

"Do...you..._mind _?" Chen snapped.

"Not one bit," Yan-Yan replied, somehow managing to sound both caustic and cheerful at the same time. "I am a cat, after all."

"I noticed," he growled through clenched teeth.

"You really should do something about that crabbiness," the feline added, warming up to her subject. "It's a wonder I don't sometimes mistake you for the real thing and toss you into the pot. Actually, I've been tempted to do that even when I knew you as you are. I could live a peaceful life then."

"Are you _quite_ through?"

"For now."

"You sure?"

"As certain as one can ever be of anything in this life," she replied sententiously.

Crane, mystified, awed, and stunned at this display of cantankerous, venomous backbiting from both sides, and with such skill, glanced at Jia and Mei. His beloved was only watching with a knowing smirk, paws coming together in a slow, silent clap, while her half-sister looked to be struggling to restrain gales of giggling laughter.

By the time the waterfowl had settled his ruffled feathers and turned back to Chen, the jerboa had resumed his former lecturing stance and tone, although the suspicious glares and narrowed eyes he sent in Yan-Yan's direction before he spoke again indicated he still expected her to interrupt at any moment.

"_Any_way...the guy's a pig, and I mean that literally. Unfortunately for our purposes, he's also a distant descendant of a previous crime boss here in Shanghai, back from the Tang Dynasty, and he's gotten the fool notion into his head that he can mooch off of his family name, earn himself some clout in the underground, and then build a new black market empire as powerful as his ancestor's. He's got big ambitions, even made some noise about challenging the Emperor, and if it weren't for how easy it is for him to dissipate himself in decadence, he actually might get away with it—he's got control of the whole city and has the constabulary under his thumb. Not that those bozos could find their own asses with their hands most of the time, but…"

He sighed and actually looked a bit worried for the first time since they'd met him, and the waterfowl began to wonder if the rodent's contempt for the guildmaster, as earned as it most likely was, hadn't been a pose, a mask to conceal his true concern. "It'd be nice to have somebody who was willing to stand up to Kang, but he's an egotistical little hot-shot, and he's amassed enough power and money that he can afford just about any kind of defense you can think of—armed guards, assassins, booby traps, the works. He's clever and ruthless, to the point most of his men would turn on him without a second's thought after how often he executes or mistreats them for failure...if they weren't deathly afraid of him, or else bought and paid for." Chen looked up hopefully. "Don't suppose you'd be up for some bribery?"

Crane looked at the others again, his heart sinking in the beginnings of despair; he had no particular moral objections to the practice, particularly not in this case, and he knew Mei and Jia wouldn't either, but… "I'm afraid we didn't bring that much with us. Certainly not in the kind of amounts you're referring to, sir."

The jerboa deflated a bit, then shook himself, some of his former crusty attitude returning. "Well, no matter. I'd be doing something about this myself, purely out of the goodness of my heart of course—" Before Yan-Yan could do more than open her mouth, he shot a wintry glare at her and she fell silent. "—and yes I do have one, as petrified as it is...but I'm too old for those things now. I was strongly considering sending word to the Kung Fu Council, even though they're as useless as the constabulary, or making an appeal to the Emperor myself...but I don't know if there's enough time for that before things get completely out of control. The city's a powderkeg, ready to explode."

After a long several minutes of uncomfortable silence (for even Yan-Yan's needles had stilled), Jia finally spoke up in a very subdued tone that was most unlike her. "That's...that's awful. Something has to be done about him!" A fierce and unwavering determination burned in her violet eyes.

Yan-Yan sighed, seeming to lose some of her pluck and rebelliousness. "Don't you think it would have been by now, if it could be?" She shook her head sadly. "'Above there is Heaven, and below there are Hangzhou and Suzhou.' Shanghai, I'm afraid, is somewhere much less divine."

Standing beside her half-sister, the mountain cat frowned and crossed her arms severely over her chest. "I can't believe you would just give up like that." Mei Ling jutted out her chin pugnaciously, though Crane thought he saw a note of desperation in her own eyes. "He has to have _some_ kind of weakness, a flaw, a vice we can use against him, anything! If only we could get close to him..."

Chen was already shaking his head before she had even finished speaking, a very irritable look on his wrinkled face at being forced to admit their enemy was impregnable—but Yan-Yan had sat up straight, eyes wide in astonishment and glimmering excitedly as something seemed to come back to her. "Wait...there _is_ something...something I heard at the marketplace…Kang doesn't care much about his next incarnation—he's banned all the Buddhist monks from praying or giving lessons anywhere near his compound, though he lets them do what they like elsewhere—but he _does_ care about his next generation. After all he's built in his new guild, he wants to make sure he'll have someone to pass it on to. And since he has the usual proclivities of a man, well..."

"You don't mean…" Crane could see where this was going, and he didn't think he liked it.

Yan-Yan chuckled and set aside her knitting so she could rub her paws together a bit gleefully. "I do indeed. Master Kang claims he wants to settle down, and so he's in the market for a bride."

The jerboa snorted derisively. "Why don't you just call it what it is—he wants a concubine."

"Yes, well." The housewife adjusted her _qipao_ somewhat primly. "Be that as it may, since he is indeed the pleasure-seeking sort, he's been putting out word and even making appearances at the richest and most famous brothels in the city. He's smart enough not to be too easily ingratiated, but not smart enough to ask all the questions he should, so it'd be entirely possible to interrogate his past bridal prospects, or the bodyguards the madams hire to protect their girls."

Jia clapped her small paws together and grinned like a madwoman. "Ooo! I've got a better idea! Why don't we dress Crane up like a customer? He could pose as a rich merchant or something, looking for a girl to join his troupe of concubines, and we can be the other members of the set!" Over her shoulder the waterfowl could see a very severe look on the mountain cat's face, her brown eyes narrowed dangerously at the back of her half-sister's head, but the snow leopardess was oblivious.

"Yeah, I can just see it! We can get _lots_ of information that way, maybe even make Kang think he has competition for a bride so he'll rush over to grab a girl and get sloppy, give something away, forget to trip a lock or set a trap…" Violet eyes narrowing as well, she snickered. "Although from the kinds of comments we got on the road on the way here, I'm afraid Crane might just get approached by everyone in the place—women, men, even boy-girls from Siam!" And she slapped her leg, laughing uproariously at her own joke.

Remembering with rueful embarrassment what Jia was referring to, the avian kung fu master stared at her, aghast. But before he could attempt to splutter a refusal, Mei Ling stepped in with a firm, assertive clearing of her throat. "_Thank_ you, Jia. No, Jia. That can be a...back-up plan, but I think we need something more subtle, more indirect...and more unexpected." Cupping her chin, she regarded Yan-Yan for a few moments before a small smile appeared on her lips. "Yan-Yan, tell me: _do_ you know where any of the city's brothels are? Particularly ones that are near Kang's compound?"

For a moment Crane thought his beloved had offended her friend with this question (even if his relief did double, since it seemed not only had Jia's idea been shot down, but this whole line of inquiry might soon be happily discarded). But although the Balinese's sober expression didn't change, there was a softening in her features before she replied. "From anyone else I might wonder why you chose _me_ to ask that question, but I know you meant no harm by it." She snickered briefly. "Besides, I'd hate to think of what kinds of houses of ill repute Chen might know of, or that you think he does."

While the jerboa began growling and cursing sulfurously, small fists clenched and his stick raised as if to lay about him at anything that moved, Yan-Yan went on, blithely ignoring him. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. Being the only female doctor in the city...or just about anywhere in the empire...I'm the only one these girls would trust, and who would give them the proper treatment without charging them. Or at all." A dangerous light gleamed in her eyes, and Crane became more certain than ever that this was a woman he never wanted to cross, even by accident. "Anyway, there is in fact one not far from Kang's...mansion. I suppose you want me to set up a meeting with the madam to see if she or her girls can tell you anything? Or give you a place to spy from the next time Kang or his bullyboys come calling?"

"Not quite, although those are great ideas too. We need all the help we can get." The beige feline smiled a little more broadly, and rather craftily at that. Crane began to grow uncomfortable all over again. She began counting off items on her fingers as she went on in a clipped, no-nonsense tone. "What I would like is some parchment, ink, and a brush; whatever supplies of soporifics you have in your stores, along with a good cache of alcohol; and three sets of clothes suitable for women of the oldest profession."

The waterfowl felt his heart plummet into his feet even as he lurched up onto them and let out a strangled squawk. "Mei...please, no. Please tell me you're not going to dress us up as _chāngjì_."

Slowly, Mei Ling turned and looked at him. Utterly serious, controlled, and calm, she said, "Very well. I'm not dressing us up as _chāngjì_."

* * *

Two hours later, the three of them stood, wearing the simple yet elegant _ruqun_ of Shanghai _chāngjì_—of golden, dark blue, and vivid green respectively, with sashes of contrasting dark or light hues from which hung jade ornaments woven into braided cloth—in the street outside the House of Blossoms. Crane stared with a hurt expression at Mei Ling, who ignored him.

Yan-Yan had been true to her word, locating and gathering all the supplies Mei had requested, even going above and beyond the call of duty when it came to the clothing and its accessories. A fellow who had been curious about just what sorts of activities and...offerings went on inside a brothel, but who was too proper to go in and find out himself (and also married and faithful) had been willing, after being given said information by Jia, to part with a lovely silken _huasheng_ adorned with ribbons, seed pearls, and other small gems, which the waterfowl now wore on his head.

Another of the Balinese's clients, a dressmaker who had fallen on hard times and become discouraged and cynical about the whole business, had been inspired to create again by the challenge of making a _ruqun_ for a male (and an avian at that) and turned out one that shimmered in sun or lamplight and which Crane was embarrassed to admit was fashioned of a silk softer than any he'd felt before. And a chance meeting with a lady having...gastric problems, which Yan-Yan could solve with a quick vial of digestive medicine, had procured an ethereal and rather intoxicating perfume in gratitude which Jia assured him would make him blend in perfectly with the other _chāngjì_. Similar items from neighbors and the doctor's own closet had let the two felines dress to match him.

Adjusting her own headdress between her black-furred ears, the mountain cat turned to catch hold of Crane's swooping silken sleeve, but stopped when, without changing his expression, he narrowed his eyes at her and spoke, in as injured a tone as he could muster. "You lied to me."

"I did," Mei said, matter-of-fact yet coolly breezy. "With my brilliant achievements as a diplomatic-minded kung fu warrior has come the realization that lies can be powerful motivators."

"And here I thought you were an honest, fair-minded, good-hearted girl who would never harm or abuse anyone," he said accusingly. "My faith is shattered."

"You knew," she replied, insistent and intent, "when I said we needed three sets of _chāngjì _'s clothing, that we were going to end up in them. You _knew_." Her tone turned lofty. "Any hopes you had to the contrary were just self-delusion."

Crane sighed. "A guy can dream...but I hate it when you're right."

Jia nudged his other side and beamed sunnily. "Besides, _she_ wasn't the one to dress us up. Yan-Yan did. And _you_ dressed yourself."

The waterfowl groaned, closed his eyes, and hid his face behind a fan.

When at last the snow leopardess and her half-sister's laughter had died down, the three of them approached the brothel's front door, Mei and Jia sashaying while Crane, face set stonily and eyes riveted motionlessly ahead of him, did his level best to imitate them. Each of them wore the proper green cloth wrapped around their heads and headdresses to mark their occupation and station; while Crane had had no need to dye or otherwise alter his feathers since females of his species mostly looked just like the males, Yan-Yan had made certain to properly powder and rouge his cheeks and bill, and the front of his dress had been...suitably stuffed. It was absolutely mortifying—but it should at least pass inspection. He could only hope this would work, and that he wouldn't have to remain in this ghastly get-up for very long.

Taking a deep breath (which he was very much afraid was geared solely toward enhancing the effect of her own bosom), Jia squared her shoulders. "Let me handle this, sis. I know a bit more about these kinds of places than you do." Before Mei could do more than raise an eyebrow, the ex-Wu Sister lifted her paw and knocked on the brothel's red-lacquered door in the pattern Yan-Yan had had them all memorize.

The woman who opened the wooden panel made Crane blink—instead of a frumpy, blowzy female, particularly one with a certain amount of weight on her frame, she was a tall, graceful dhole with gorgeously maintained fur of reddish-brown and black points, clad in a perfectly fashionable viridian dress that would not be out-of-place at the Imperial court: encircling cross-collar allowed to hang loose and draping enough so as to expose her cleavage (but tastefully so), sleeves even longer and more flowing than theirs, so many braids and _pei_ dangling from the sash as to form a veritable curtain around her waist, and numerous jewels either on bracelets, bangles, and necklaces or woven into the cloth. Her attitude and posture, too, were rather imperious, although her expression also denoted kindness and concern. "Yes?"

Her eyes flicked from each of them to the next, and after taking note of their species and giving Crane a particularly penetrating stare, she smiled. "Oh—you must be Yan-Yan's...acquaintances. Please, please, do come in." And with a furtive glance into the crowded street, and especially toward the vastly sprawling, walled compound across the way, she hurriedly stepped aside to grant them entrance into the building.

As the door closed behind them, Crane had a swift but encompassing view of the brothel's entryway, a room decorated as lavishly, beautifully, and expensively as many a palace in Beijing—richly woven tapestries and silkscreen paintings adorning the walls (many of which he recognized as being by famous artists, including Chen), matching carpeting thickly padding the floor, a varnished wood beam ceiling, columns, and stairwell rail leading to the upper floors, brass floor lamps and lanterns suspended on long chains, and various other ornaments and decorations which bespoke luxury and class. This truly must be the most high-end, and wealthiest, house for _chāngjì_ in all of Shanghai…

But before he could take in any more, the madam was turning on them with an attitude at once brisk, bold, and in-charge; this was another woman who brooked no nonsense and was utterly confident in her ability to get things done, no matter whom she had to overrule, manipulate, or influence to achieve it. "Well, it's about time you showed up; I was beginning to think something had gone wrong, or that Yan-Yan was playing an elaborate joke on me. Perhaps you don't think so, but I don't spend all day counting yuan or waiting on clients, in any sense of the word. My time is money."

Jia offered her a warm smile as she clasped her paws and bowed in proper fashion. "We are sorry to keep you waiting, _nǚshì_, but it did take some time to find all the necessary items and dress ourselves accordingly. This is my half-sister, Mei Ling, and Master He Jien. And I am—" She broke off as if suddenly realizing it might not be in her best interests to bruit her true name and identity about.

The madam saved her any further hesitation or embarrassment by lifting a paw and waving the matter aside. "I know very well who you are, Yan-Yan told me all about each of you. To you, I say your past profession and whatever actions you may have taken then have no bearing on whom you are now or whom you choose to be in the future, not after you have chosen to change your life. And to your companions, I say nothing would please me better than to see that odious Kang done away with or run out of town, and warriors of your caliber are certainly welcome in seeing the task done. I am only too happy to help, and none shall learn your secrets from me." She bowed in turn and smiled, an expression that changed her stern and determined visage into something warm, kind, and even coquettish. "My name is Cui Ai."

Even as Crane was feeling a little more trusting and at ease (although nothing would make him become relaxed and complacent in this disguise), Mei was speaking. "A pleasure to meet you. I know this must seem unusual, not to mention a hassle, and that you've had little time to get ready, but were you able to follow my instructions?"

Cui Ai smiled, a little mysteriously but mostly wryly. "It _was_ strange, I'll grant you, but I'm used to having to accommodate my clients' wishes at a moment's notice. And my girls are well-treated; they have plenty of time and inclination to gossip." She gestured at the walls of the front room, and Crane noticed what he had overlooked in his first examination: in numerous places, between the various silkscreens, tapestries, and paintings, were hung the parchment sheets the mountain cat had requested from Yan-Yan, and on each was drawn the perfect likenesses of the three of them as they were currently dressed, as drawn by the hand of Chen.

(Crane would have offered, since all he would need would be a mirror for his own portrait, but aside from the fact he cringed at the thought of creating such an image of himself, Yan-Yan had pointed out his artistic style would likely be recognized, or at least noticeably foreign to Shanghai, while Chen was a local. That and she'd insisted that the old rodent who had "more salt than the jar in my kitchen" would be contributing to this venture whether he liked it or not. That the jerboa had complied, albeit with vociferous cursing and grumbling, spoke volumes.)

Each portrait had been marked with the hanzi of their assumed names, advertising them as the newest, prettiest, and most sought after _chāngjì_ in the city, the same story which Cui Ai's girls had been instructed to pass on to all their clients, if what the dhole said was true. Even more of the flyers had been distributed elsewhere in the city via Yan-Yan's patients and a young messenger boy flagged down in the street, so now everyone in the district where Kang lived who was interested in such matters would know of these new acquisitions. Now all they had to do was assume their positions in the rooms assigned to them and wait.

Whether luck was with them or the porcine guildmaster was simply that desperate, they didn't have to wait very long at all, however. In fact they had barely gotten settled into their chambers and run through a crash course on how to stand, speak, direct their gazes, and employ both fans and sashes to flirt (a set of instructions confined only to Mei and especially Crane, to his further mortification) when there suddenly came a rather rude and peremptory banging on the front door downstairs. "Ai! Open up! We know you're in there, and His Eminence isn't gonna be kept waiting on ya this time!"

_His Eminence?_ Crane thought, appalled but also snide.

The dhole froze briefly in the act of straightening his _huasheng_, but quickly recovered, smoothing out his _ruqun_ as well and smiling at him as if he were one of her own girls. Softly, under her breath, she murmured. "You'll do fine. But just remember: if you want information, don't go asking for it. You'll be spotted faster than blood on a white robe. Absorb it quietly instead." He stared at her, startled as much by her concern as her wisdom, but then he smiled in return and nodded. He even managed to flutter his fan appropriately, so that only his eyes showed between it and his headdress.

Then there was no further time for thought or posturing, because Cui Ai was hurrying to the door (though somehow she remained as stately and graceful as if she were moving with slow poise), and the show was on.

If Crane hadn't known the true nature and abilities of the supposed _chāngjì_, he would have been rather intimidated by the coterie of bully boys that had come to 'collect' them. At least that was what he assumed was their intention (and it was what they'd been counting on to get them inside the compound), judging from their leering expressions as they filed inside the entry hall and looked over the richly garbed and powdered 'ladies' arrayed before them. There were half a dozen of them altogether, and none of them were anyone he'd want to meet in a dark alley—especially not one of Shanghai's.

A pair of wolves who looked like brothers, a crocodile, a gaur, a surprisingly burly fox, and an ebony stallion. All of them built for power and strength, clearly having spent all their lives on the wrong side of the law or at least in battle—the fox had an eyepatch with a rather ugly scar emerging from beneath it, the crocodile was missing a number of spikes from along his tail, the gaur had a broken horn, and one of the wolves was missing a large chunk from an ear—and all of them heavily armed and aggressive-looking. The waterfowl swallowed. _Okay, I'm **still** intimidated_.

Unsurprisingly though, neither Mei nor Jia were, or if they were, they didn't show it. Instead both women stood slim, still, and carefully arranged, sleeves and ribbons and _pei_ all hanging just so, the mountain cat with her fan fluttering just beneath the neckline of her dress so as to draw attention to her upthrust bosom while the snow leopardess did the same in coy fashion before her face. He wondered just how difficult it was for them to maintain silence, considering their usually vivacious natures, but there was really no other choice—women in this profession were to be seen and not speak, and someone of Kang's ilk was even less likely to treat them with respect or courtesy.

Of course Crane himself had always been the silent type, and that coupled with the need to disguise his gender (even if he were good at imitating a female voice, he'd hardly had enough time to practice) made it imperative and incredibly easy for him to remain quiet as well. That is, until Kang's men started...appraising the merchandise.

"Well, well, look what we've got here, boys." It was the fox who was speaking, his raspy, gruff voice with its harsh Fujian accent sending chills down Crane's spine—not just for its dark, villainous sound but also its decidedly aroused and seductive bent. "Seems the boss is gonna be pleased today."

One of the wolves snorted, and when he spoke his voice was so deep it sounded like a mountain had been given voice. "What're you talkin' about? I don't see no boys here, just men. Though I see what ya mean." He growled lustily.

Even as Crane was wondering what they meant, afraid to know, but certain he would soon find out, the vulpine sauntered closer, and the avian had to fight not to step backward—the fellow was unusually large for his species, and loomed over him by at least a head. Lifting a paw to his chin, a motion that made the sleeve of his _ru_ slide back to expose an incredibly thick arm that would give Tai Lung a run for his money, he raised an eyebrow and continued. "Let's see...a big mouth that doesn't flap its lips much, a nice big rack, a small frame...yeah, just what the doctor ordered. See, Kang likes to be much larger than his lays." He winked. "And he doesn't like cats, thinks they're too arrogant...wonder if we should even bother with your friends."

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mei and Jia exchanging a penetrating, knowing look, one that swiftly changed to one of flashing eyes and elevated chins when the ruffians looked back their way—offended dignity was typically feline, and better than giving away any hint that they might be plotting something.

"Speak for yourself," the other wolf said, his voice a little lighter and quieter than his brother's; although still growly and threatening, it seemed a bit less crude than the rest, and when Crane glanced at him he even saw his armor and clothes were better cared for. So not all of Kang's men were stupid or testosterone-poisoned. He'd have to watch himself. "If Kang sticks to his usual tastes, that just leaves more for the rest of us. _We_ have a genuine appreciation for the feline races."

Before he could wax eloquent on just what made cats the best, his comrades tromped forward to add their commentary to the mix, and with each word they uttered Crane felt smaller, more worthless, and more like a netted fish hung up at market.

"Birds are for the birds. Give us the grace and strength of a good mountain cat any day!"

"I don't know," the gaur disagreed. "Boss may be on to something. Look at those legs. Perfect for grabbing onto." He ran his eyes along them, and Crane felt incredibly ill.

"If ya like 'em fragile and ready to crumble if ya look at 'em the wrong way," the crocodile sneered.

"I have to admit," the fox interjected again as he gazed at the two felines, "you two are enough to make me question whether cats and dogs really should be enemies." From the sultry, salacious look Jia gave him through slitted violet eyes, the waterfowl was rather afraid she was thinking the same thing; she certainly seemed to be ogling the fox's muscles enough for all the females in the room put together.

"By the gods, ladies, you look like you could withstand a wall of bricks!" the wolf with the basso profundo voice exclaimed.

"Or me," the horse added with a smirk. All of them laughed.

Finally Mei Ling spoke, and when she did it was with a thoughtful, artfully demure tone that didn't hide the insinuation at all. "Well, we do pride ourselves on our longevity. It is fortunate to know someone, at least, can keep up with and be worthy of us." Now the men whooped approvingly, even the softer-spoken wolf, all of them winking, nudging, and clapping each other on the backs as they puffed out their chests at this praise at their boss's expense.

But Crane wasn't paying attention, to that or to his beloved's far too excellent ability to play her role to the hilt, for he was staring stonily at the carpeted floor between his feet, hoping the flush of shame and sullen fury growing inside him would be mistaken for a blush of delight. It took a great deal, a very great deal, to anger him...but this crudity, this base lewdness, this self-indulgent male camaraderie was frankly appalling.

What made it worst of all was that he realized, with a sinking, nauseous sensation in the pit of his stomach, this was not merely something encouraged or instituted by Kang. The leers, the way they ran their eyes over his 'anatomy' as well as Mei and Jia's, the disgusting implications, the blatantly suggestive gestures...this was the way women in his current position were treated all the time. And perhaps not even just these women…

Privately, the bird made a vow to himself as he kept his bill clamped shut to hold back the sentiments he truly longed to express: not just that he would bring down Kang and his men, but that he would do all in his power to ensure no woman he knew or encountered would have to suffer such travesties again. And if, as he very much feared, Mei had had to endure it, too, even if in a more subtle and covert manner, then he would be apologizing to her profusely on behalf of his entire gender.

While he was still inwardly seething, Cui Ai finally moved forward to intervene and break up the impending orgy—with a fierce light in her eyes and an elevated nose of her own that made it quite clear just what she would do to these men if she could. "That's quite enough of that! Now, I do believe the guildmaster is waiting, so if you have examined them to your satisfaction…?"

At those words the bigger wolf and the crocodile shared a knowing look of their own and another nasty snicker, but the fox drew himself up to his full height and nodded firmly. "Yes. Yes, of course. Ladies...if you haven't guessed it by now, it's customary for all the new girls to be taken to Master Kang's mansion. He has something very special in mind for you all. So, if you would follow me?" He gestured behind him toward the door.

"But of course," Jia said breathily, stepping with dainty motions that only emphasized the shape of her hips.

"Our only wish and honor is to serve," Mei added disingenuously, although there remained that harsh light in her brown eyes.

Nerving himself, Crane forced his voice into the closest his falsetto could come to a dulcet tone. "It will truly be a great joy to meet Lord Kang."

As they were escorted out the door to the sedan chairs that the men would use to bear them across the street to the mansion's immense wall and red-painted gates, he heard Madam Cui murmur behind him, "And may Xiwangmu strike him down by your hands."

To that, he could only wholeheartedly add his own prayers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much of the scenery I describe during the trio's travels, the gardens in Shanghai, the tea shop and what they ate and drank there, and the references to the five blessings all come from a trip I took to visit friends in Portland, since among the places they took me while there was the absolutely breathtaking Lan Su Garden. Not only did the garden itself provide a lot of truly beautiful inspiration, the pamphlet handed out to all visitors there gave me a lot of intriguing and useful information about the place, its plant life and architecture, and Chinese culture.
> 
> The characters of Chen and Yan-Yan are from Marie Goos's story "From Scratch" (though I gave him an additional name to differentiate him from my Emperor), but while their manner of interacting came from said story, I also based them off of David Eddings' wonderful pairing of Polgara and Beldin. Chen mocking Shifu about how he gave the Five titles matching their species and styles instead of their names was not just a ribbing of the people at DreamWorks but something some of my readers, and writers like Marie, Luna, and Ilien, have noted too, and enjoyed sporking. Note also the commentary on Shifu's own pompous name and its meaning. 
> 
> Other references I made: the bit where Mei and Jia were talking about "just liking to look at" Tai Lung was a quote from _Princess Diaries 2_; the bit where the three of them were made to dress up like concubines (particularly Mei and Crane's exchange after the reveal) is from the X-Wing books again, once more from _Starfighters of Adumar_; and the whole long involved set-up with Crane and the girls infiltrating the mansion of a sleazy crime lord is my homage to the infamous "Cloud cross-dressing for Don Corneo" subplot from _Final Fantasy VII_. No, none of the other guards are meant to be references to anyone in particular, though now that I think about it the eyepatch-wearing fox was probably influenced by Jillas from the anime/manga _Slayers_. Either that or somehow I combined Fox McCloud and Wolf O'Donnell. o_O


	2. Chapter 2

Since the large shikumen mansion (three stories compared to the other one- and two-story townhouses on the street) where Kang Yuwang had his residence was so near, it didn't take long at all to pass beneath the stone arch of the _lòngtang_ that broke up the impregnable-looking brick wall, down the alley to the small haven of the sunlit, garden-filled courtyard, and up to the solid teak doors which stood beneath its overhanging eaves. After how long they had taken ogling and "examining" their new acquisitions, the self-styled lord's men seemed determined to waste no further time, and they even didn't bother with more than perfunctory exchanges of guild passwords with the guards flanking the inner courtyard doors.

Instead, the trio was marched between narrow pillars with alacrity, escorted ahead and behind by their new...friends, and as they entered, Crane's sharp ears could pick up Jia's muttered whisper: "Well I never! You'd think they didn't trust us...what do they suppose we're going to do, walk off with the furnishings in our back pockets?"

From the corner of her mouth, Mei hissed, "Jia...you would. In fact, you _have_." She was clearly smiling as she said it, though.

The briefest of pauses, then: "I have _not_. That was Chun."

A snort of laughter, quickly suppressed. "Sure it was."

"Anyway, seriously—we're supposed to be prospective brides, what kind of threat could we possibly be?" The snow leopardess fluttered her fan ostentatiously.

"Well, this _is_ a thieves' guild, and anyone can blab secrets or be bribed into doing so," the mountain cat answered matter-of-factly. "Plus, remember how this guy views women. Even if we're no threat, he wouldn't deign to share his personal places with lowly females if he doesn't have to."

Jia made a show of peering around as they entered the main room of the mansion's first floor. "But all I wanted to see was the scantily-clad servant girls and the secret chambers of hedonistic debauchery!"

Mei rolled her eyes. "You just love sin, don't you, sis?"

"Fun, Mei Mei, it's called fun."

"_If_ you don't mind," Crane finally managed to interject with his own agonized whisper, "I am trying to help carry out an infiltration mission which has nothing to do with fun." He paused, looking up from beneath his headdress as the roof soared overhead, then added thoughtfully, "You're right about there being things to see, though…"

The place was clearly meant to be opulent, to impress and awe, even to aspire to imperial grandeur, but to the waterfowl's eye all he could call it was...gaudy. Everywhere he looked was red—tapestries and silkscreens, rugs and inset panels of highly-polished, richly-grained wood, enormous pillars rising to the ceiling, inner doors and their frames, even elaborate lanterns more likely to be seen in Yu Garden than a robber-baron's domicile. Brocaded curtains, meticulously detailed pottery large enough for a person to hide within, potted plants and sticks of lit incense adding their aromatic fragrances to the air, polished gem and cobblestones set into the floor between the wood paneling…

There was a second floor with its own hand-carved balcony and long flights of steps leading upward, brilliantly golden wall panels adorned with sententious hanzi sayings (Buddhist in origin, but either perverted in intent or simply wildly inappropriate), and a lavish light fixture overhead with banks of candles and mirrored prisms to reflect even more light. And not only were the pillars wrapped in gigantic golden carvings of dragons, there was even one set into a massive circular seal in the middle of the floor. The only thing missing was a phoenix. _Maybe he's waiting until he has a bride to have that added?_ he thought snidely.

While he was still gazing around and trying quite hard not to sneer openly at the overdone sumptuousness of the decor (all of it obviously built upon the many victims of Kang's extortion, robbery, drug trafficking, and slave-trading), the guards filed in and fanned out in a semicircle as the doors closed behind them with an ominous thud, and there was no more opportunity for talk. On the balcony overhead, in front of another set of doors which to judge by both their size and the hanzi carved into them led to the guildmaster's chambers, another guard leaned forward, hands planted on the railing as he stared down at them and let out a sharp whistle. "Wh-o-o-o-a, damn! You ladies are, like, _so_ hot! Way hotter'n the usual girls the Boss has in here…!"

As Jia and Mei tittered and posed and otherwise made themselves look like the utterly vapid _chāngjì_ they were supposed to be, the guard—another crocodile who seemed younger than the one in their entourage, rather top-heavy thanks to his extremely broad torso, and wearing an oddly-incongruous steel helmet of a make Crane had never seen before (round, with a single spike jutting upward from its center)—suddenly seemed to realize his lack of discipline. Probably because of the distinctly audible throat-clearing from the fox, and the even louder growl from the deep-voiced wolf. Standing up straight and saluting briefly, he recited by rote: "This is the mansion of Kang Yuwang, the most powerful man in Shanghai. I'll go and let the Lord know you're here, he'll be right out to inspect you. Don't go wandering around!"

When the doors had closed behind the crocodile's hurrying form, Crane heard the horse mutter behind him. "Don't know why the Boss even keeps Fung around. The guy's as competent as a barrow full of bricks, and just as smart."

The fox chuckled and observed lightly, "Because he finds him amusing. I share the sentiment."

Any sympathy this Fung might have elicited from the avian kung fu master had been banished as soon as he'd seen the way those heated eyeballs had been roving over all of their frames (but especially Mei Ling's), and if the other guards hadn't been standing watch over them he'd have been tempted to go exploring just to spite the croc. Though he was rather afraid what they might find in this mansion…

Not that they'd have had the time anyway. Whether because Fung had given glowing descriptions of their beauty or because the depraved pig always reacted so eagerly when new prospects were brought to his door, in only a few short minutes the doors were opening again and the reptilian guard was once more striking a regimented pose. "It's time, ladies! Lord Kang is waiting!"

As the gaur and the less belligerent wolf were rather obtrusively directing them up the stairs, the helmeted croc seemed to relax...and, unfortunately, to become more openly suggestive in both his tone and expression. One hand on his hip as he leaned casually on his spear, he purred in what he clearly thought was a seductive manner. "Every day he gets three girls, yanno...chooses one of 'em, and then, well...heh. Maybe this'll be your lucky day, and the one he picks'll be his girl at the altar and not just another notch for his bed. But the ones he don't pick...well, he ain't the only guy in the house with..._needs_." His eyebrows waggled.

Crane tried to fix a smile on his bill, so as to hold back his gorge rising, but Mei and Jia simply exchanged a look before smiling with what seemed genuine pleasure. "Of course!" the mountain cat exclaimed. "A strapping man such as yourself, how could two sweet, innocent ladies of our persuasion ever resist you?"

Jia even lifted a paw to teasingly draw one of her _pei_ ribbons along Fung's forearm and bare biceps. "There's so _much_ we still have to learn! I bet you can teach us everything…"

The other croc glowered, while the horse had to stifle a guffaw, but Fung only puffed his chest up and strutted as he led the way to the guildmaster's chambers. Watching his comical gait, Crane glanced at his companions, caught an identical look of smug vindictiveness on their faces, and began to relax. A little. "Ah...would those lessons have something to do with those special items you had Yan-Yan fetch for us?"

"I always knew you were the perceptive one," Mei murmured with a winsome smile.

"Don't worry," Jia added. "We know _just_ what to do, and we'll take it from here."

He hated to ask, but he had to know. "And...I probably don't need to ask, but...if what they said back at the House of Blossoms was true, and Kang really does have something against felines…"

"Then he'll choose you," his beloved said smoothly. "You're right, there was no need…"

"...to ask," the ex-Wu Sister chimed in.

"We appreciate your sacrifice," Mei added gravely.

"And all the great poets will know it!" Jia giggled.

_They wouldn't…!_ One look at both cats convinced him, however, and of their own accord he could feel his wingfeathers tightly gripping the flowing silk of his dress. "I hate you _both_," he hissed venomously...but he was afraid all he sounded was petulant, considering they only laughed all the more gaily.

In short order the guards had escorted them up the stairs and into what Crane assumed was the guildmaster's study...although considering its overdone architecture and decorations matched the rest of the mansion, he was more inclined to call it a boudoir. He hated to think what the criminal's actual bedroom looked like, but was very much afraid he'd soon find out…

Looking around at the folding screens and tapestries, the massive statues of snarling dragons and _shi_ lions, the jade braziers of steadily burning flames, and the immense, impossibly rich rug of scarlet and gold woven with yet more draconic images in intertwining coils, the bird found himself feeling even more ill at ease and of stomach. When they had finally approached the broad desk of crimson cedar with a matching, throne-like chair, and the lord of the house finally leaned forward to regard them, he was everything Crane had feared.

Not that he was intimidating or even dangerous-looking (beyond a certain craftiness of expression and a glittering darkness in his beady, narrow eyes that warned not to underestimate him), but instead how his utter tackiness, decadence, and pomposity not only fit his dwelling, it surpassed it. Clad in a flowing fuchsia robe trimmed with white down-feathers (what rich avians had his men robbed, or even murdered, for such a thing?), dripping with jewels, and spun with thread of silver and gold, the pig only came up to Crane's breastbone yet stood as if he loomed over everyone and expected only the deepest of genuflections in return for his having graced them with his presence.

His silk Hanfu garments beneath, while just as costly, were far more understated, even offensively so since their belt was loose and barely knotted and the cross-collar was parted enough to show off a porcine chest thick with coarse hair—although the rest of his flesh was quite smooth, even shiny, save for where he sported a hanzi tattoo on his scalp which declared him "Emperor of Shanghai". The gleaming golden chain around his neck, its pendants of a peacock and a dharma wheel nearly tangled in his chest hair, perfectly matched the numerous rings adorning his hands as well as his jeweled belt and slippers.

Everything about Kang suggested the lowest of the low, a base and venal man putting on airs of elegance, delusions of grandeur, and pretensions to Imperial majesty...but in the end shallow and carnal was all he was, as evidenced by his low-slung brows, leering gaze, and excessively pierced ears. Never had Crane encountered someone who so embodied a word he had never before this moment uttered or even contemplated: "sleaze." The glass of _choujiu_ he held loosely in one hand and the lit opium pipe clenched between his teeth were the perfect finishing touches. It was all Crane could do not to break cover and vomit right on his glittering footwear.

"All right, ladies!" Fung suddenly declaimed, nearly giving Crane a heart attack. "Line up in front of His Eminence!"

When they had done so, Kang surprised him—instead of strolling around from behind his desk to confront them, the pig drained his glass, set it down, and leaped over the intervening furniture to land right in front of them with a low grunt. "Hmm...good, splendid...now, let's see…" His voice was even more appalling, a disgustingly slimy and crude manner of speaking that no amount of affected elitism or pompous posturing could disguise, filled with all sorts of lewd inflections and suggestive pauses that made the waterfowl's flesh crawl. And he was far too close for comfort…

"Which girl should I choose...hmm...hmmm…" He exhaled a cloud of opium smoke into Crane's face that nearly made him gag; luckily he could hide his expression and waft it away with his fan. "This little beauty?" He leered at Mei Ling.

The mountain cat fluttered her own fan and batted her eyelashes. "My goodness, Lord Kang, you're too kind to one as lowly as myself."

The guildmaster snorted. "And don't you forget it, sweetcakes. How about this slender little girl?" He peered at Jia.

Violet eyes wide and disingenuous, the snow leopardess smiled sweetly. "Why sir, you have such great taste!" Crane did not miss, however, the slight edge in her voice...or the edge of the blade which sprang from one of her fan's ribs before immediately disappearing from sight again.

Apparently the slummy robber-baron either didn't notice it, or convinced himself he hadn't seen it, since after a brief blink he shook himself and turned to peer at last at Crane again, who was doing his level best to remain with his chin ducked and face averted from the light. He could almost feel the pig's gaze, as unclean and disturbing as the touch of his hands would be, as it ran over his beautifully-dressed body. Somehow it didn't surprise him when the greasy thief chuckled, lustful and salacious as ever, before licking his lips and nodding decisively.

"I've made up my mind," he declared, and Crane looked up hurriedly to catch him ogling him. "There was no contest, not with two cats thinkin' they could claw their way into my bed, but even without that...you're so lean, so luscious, so succulently healthy! My choice for tonight is _you_, I gotta have ya!"

The avian's eyes widened and his bill dropped open; despite everything, despite how their plan had taken this outcome well into account, despite him not wishing to subject Mei or Jia to this lecher's blandishments instead, he did _not_ want to be alone with this man! "Wh-_what_?! Now wait just a—" He quickly forced his voice back into a falsetto. "I mean, it is _such_ a great honor, but I don't know if I'm ready for this! Please, wait a mome—"

To his horror, Kang threw back his head and laughed, not nastily or cruelly but in clear admiration. "Hoo boy...I love sweet young things who play hard to get!" Quickly he turned to his flunkies, tone turning brusque and dismissive. "You know what to do—you can have the other ones."

"Yes, _sir_!" the gaur and wolf said in unison; it sounded like the latter was openly salivating.

"_Thank_ you, sir!" Fung added, and now he knew he heard a belt loosening.

"Why, of course!" Mei replied breathily, readily. "It is after all why we were brought here, what we are meant to do...and my sister and I promise to make it worth your while, big boys. In fact we have _just_ the thing to spice the night up…"

Before Crane could protest further (although he knew from his beloved's choice of words and the genuinely eager grin on Jia's face that she was referencing the next part of their plan), Kang had latched onto his wing and was dragging him none too gently toward yet another ornamented door at the back of the room. "Shall we go, my pretty?"

_Oh, you are **so** going to regret your choice_. He already knew what he was going to do; it wouldn't be just the felines who'd be having fun…

Precisely as he'd expected, the actual bedroom of Kang Yuwang was even more atrocious, extravagant, and overdone than the rest of his mansion—although the room itself was of plain, unvarnished wood, its decorations consisted of countless tapestries and curtains; expensive silk paintings and dividing screens; an enormous gold and crimson circular rug; man-high jars and urns of jade, copper, and malachite filled with spices, incense, and more opium; lanterns of both paper and wood in a riot of brilliant hues, including vivid reds and eye-searing yellows; piles of pillows and cushions of the finest satins and down but dyed in the richest and brightest shades of indigo and lavender; and the centerpiece of it all, a massive bed of scarlet and viridian wood easily large enough to hold three people—probably more—with more dragons and peacocks both as carvings and stitched patterns on the linens...surrounding the giant hanzi characters for his name and, again, Emperor.

Luckily Crane didn't have to be confronted by this traitorous, blasphemous effrontery for long before it was blocked from his view by the lecherous thief-lord leaping up to land right in the middle of the mattress, posing theatrically with arms flung wide to proclaim his greatness...and availability. "Woo-hoo! C'mon, now, don't be shy...there may be only one of me, but I promise ya, that's _all_ ya need. After I'm done, you won't want _any_body else!" A ribald laugh escaped his throat, one of the most appalling sounds the waterfowl had ever heard—and the porcine snorting which underlay it made it even worse. The disgusting idiot was even wiggling his hips enticingly!

For a moment he let himself be distracted from this by the oddity of the bed shaking and rocking beneath Kang's feet, far more than it should have; after a few moments of staring at it, he realized to his horror and mounting revulsion that the furniture seemed to be mounted on some sort of wheel-and-gear system, set into a circular metal track on the floor. The guildmaster had actually gone to the expense of having his bed turned into some sort of revolving showpiece for his endless seductions!

At last Crane forced himself to look up, took a deep breath that only accentuated his fake bosom, and prepared himself for something more dangerous, overwhelming, and threatening to his health (or sanity) than any training course in the Jade Palace kwoon or even the deadliest of kung fu battles he'd experienced alongside the rest of the Five...a truly convincing performance as a _chāngjì_ temptress giving in to his charms.

Posing as attractively as he could manage, trying to recall all the lessons Yan-Yan, Madame Cui, and his sultry snow leopardess companion had rapidly run through a few hours ago, he fluttered his fan and wings in tandem and let out a titter. "Oh, sir! You say the most exciting, wonderful things...I'm sure you're absolutely right, you're so much man I, I just don't think I deserve you!"

"Normally, I'd agree with ya," Kang said with a sneer, before his expression turned back into a salacious grin that really wasn't any less off-putting. "But there's just somethin' about ya I can't resist. Maybe this is your lucky night, and I've finally found the one, the lucky gal I'm gonna marry. After all this time, all those bitches who thought they came anywhere close to my standards, wouldn't that be somethin'?" Again he wiggled his hips, and this time he waggled his eyebrows to go with them.

"Imagine that," Crane murmured, fan trembling before his face to hide the furious glower smoldering on his bill. "But you know, your Eminence, there's something I'd like you to explain before we start…"

The pig paused in the middle of his wriggling, which was looking more and more like it was intended to slither him right out of his clothes...and into a patch of mud, perhaps. He stared at the bird. "What? I thought you girls were supposed to be experienced, really know your stuff!" His bewildered, nettled look swiftly turned back into an even bigger leer. "Wait, what am I sayin'? The new ones are the best! Nothing to compare it to—I mean, girls like you are the hottest! Well don't you worry, sugar, I'll break ya in nice an' easy, take ya through it slowly, step by step, and I promise ya, you're gonna love havin' your first time with me, an' everything Daddy Kang's gonna teach ya…"

Horrified, the avian hurriedly flung up his wings. "No, that's not what I meant! I, I was just wondering…"

Again Kang broke off, frowning. "Hm? Oh, you mean about _that_?" Suddenly he smirked. "Remember, I'm looking for a bride. Single as can be. And I ain't never been married before, either. Prime real estate for ya here." He resumed wriggling, and another flurry of motion caught Crane's eye; glancing up, he realized to his further disgust that a large set of mirrors had been placed on the ceiling and at the angles where it met the walls so as to give the pig a perfect view of everything going on in the bed—and of himself. Multiple images of the sweaty, shiny lecher were going through the same shimmying, bouncing motions all around them. "There, feel better now?"

"No! Wait a minute!" Trying not to panic, he forced his voice back into a coquettish flirt. "I mean, not yet, big boy…"

From the look of things, however, the guildmaster wasn't going to take no for an answer. "Sorry to disappoint ya, sweetcakes, but I can't wait any longer. Come to Papa!" Leering more lewdly than ever, the pig reached toward him with hands that, as seen in the lamplight, were decidedly clammy.

Crane knew if he tried to resist, Kang would just force the issue, that he had to give Mei and Jia time to take care of the guards, and that continuing the charade would give him the chance to get close enough to do what he came here to do. So, reluctantly, he approached the bed.

"You're so cute," the appalling porcine murmured, practically drooling. "I never get tired of lookin' at ya. Do you like me, too?" His voice suddenly became intense and direct, and Crane realized this was some sort of test.

"Um…"

Kang stared at him penetratingly, his beady eyes narrowed as some sort of analysis tried to work its way through his opium-addled mind—and then he gasped and planted his fists on his rounded hips. "There's someone else, isn't there?"

What possessed Crane to give the answer he did, he had no idea—perhaps the chance to finally undercut the pig's pompous, overly high opinion of himself, his frustration and humiliation at this whole situation, or even a bit of vindictiveness and humor that he knew would make this a tale worth telling to the girls later. Whatever the reason, the waterfowl fluttered his fan once more, then lowered his eyes demurely and let out a regretful sigh. "Yes. His name's Tai Lung."

That actually put a stop to all the disgusting wiggling and shimmying...first as the rogue seemed to swell and puff up at this effrontery to his dignity, then as he deflated once that name sank in. "_What_?! No, that can't be, Ai told me that all her girls were unatta—wait. I know that name."

The bird smiled knowingly, putting as much satisfaction and confidence into his falsetto voice as he could. "That's right. _You_ know: the Scourge of the Valley of Peace. The slayer of the fire demons of WuShon. The decimator of the Anvil of Heaven. The victor over the shadow of Heian Chao. And the current master of the Jade Palace." He chuckled and spread his wings. "He's also the jealous type, and _very_ easily angered. I tried to tell you, but…"

Kang's face had gone quite pale with each title, achievement, and event enumerated, but now his voice turned suspicious, accusing. "...and how do _you_ know all that?" He hopped forward on the bed, almost frog-like, as if ready to lunge for his "companion" and wring the answers out of him.

For a moment Crane froze, cursing inwardly at having given himself away; several of those items he'd named displayed far too much knowledge, whether of recent events that had yet to spread across China or ones from long ago that no one except a student of kung fu should know about. He had to throw Kang off the scent, at least for a little while longer: he could hear, faintly, sounds emanating from elsewhere in the mansion which were quite clearly those of combat and mayhem, not celebration or more private activities. If the pig noticed and caught on…

"Oh, a girl...hears things." He managed a passable titter. "Maybe I was exaggerating a little. Maybe I just saw him from afar...or kept him...entertained for a night. Maybe, if you play your cards right, I'll do the same here, except for you and only you."

Relief turned into superiority in those tiny, lust-crazed eyes. "You sure do know how to make a guy feel good! Ya had me going there for a while...well then, what do you want to do, beautiful?" He sidled closer on the bed, hands again reaching for those dress-clad hips and this time connecting.

Crane just barely managed not to flinch, turning it instead into a gyration out of reach even as his feathers ruffled and flared with distress. Trying to cover for this, he fluttered his fan over his false bosom, stammering a reply. "Er...talk about our place in the universe? Where do you see yourself in five years?" He tried for a seductive pose and knew he'd failed utterly.

For a moment the robber-baron stared at him, completely befuddled, but then he started to laugh, and this time Crane wasn't fast enough to avoid the hands pawing at his hips. "Cute. Real cute. A pretty little thing like you, with a sense of humor…not bad. But I think the right answer's, 'Whatever _you_ want, Daddy.'"

The avian stiffened; he knew he'd crossed some line, pushed the oaf too far, and that he was right on the verge of ending their 'hard-to-get' flirting and replacing it with real bedroom action. He was trapped, the only possible result now was Kang learning the truth—whether through confession or directly discovering what really lay under his companion's dress. "Uh…"

"I can't stand it!" the pig burst out, lunging for him, eyes bright with hunger, lips pursed and puckered. "Gimme a kiss! A kiss!"

Crane felt his gorge rise, but as he realized the sounds from outside had ceased and what that most likely meant, he swiftly jerked back and twisted away, concealing a smirk of mingled triumph and contempt behind his fan. "No. I'm afraid I can't do that."

A strangled sound of overwhelming frustration escaped the crime lord's throat, and he felt those gripping hands becoming fists. "_What_? Why? Why, why, WHY?!" _What a spoiled child!_

Facing away for a few meaningful moments more, the waterfowl paused as if either ashamed or inordinately shy—and then he jerked his head up and finally spoke in his normal voice, thick with all the distaste and ire that had been building up within him. "Because I'm here to make sure you're going down—and the only thing your mouth will be doing is listing every last one of your crimes to the constable!"

As he spoke, he grasped at the belt of his _ruqun_ with one wing and the knot of his headdress with the other, and in the same swift motion undid both lengths of cloth, sending them flying and leaving him in his usual clothes underneath. The loss of the green wrap exposed the color of his head plumage (not that of a female crane), while the removal of the dress allowed the rolls of fabric which had been stuffing his bosom to fall to the floor, finishing off the reveal of his true gender.

Kang stared at him in rising horror turning to fury as he understood just how he had been played, until he was visibly quivering—although Crane wasn't sure if it was what this revealed about his own limited intellect, that he'd been attempting to seduce another man, or that the woman he'd so desired didn't actually exist which upset him most. "A man?! You _tricked_ me!" Half-turning toward the door, the pig bellowed, "Somebody get in here _NOW_ !"

"Unfortunately," the waterfowl interjected, unable to keep the smugness from his calm, matter-of-fact voice, "no one will be coming to help you." Before Kang could do more than splutter and start to shift on the bed (though whether to attack him or dodge out of the line of fire, he didn't know), he added with more than a trace of sardonic coldness, "By the way, since I'm sure you don't have a clue who I really am, tell me this: why do you think Master Crane of the Jade Palace would go to all the trouble of dressing up as a woman so he could lead an infiltration team into your house, just so he could get to you?"

Slowly the dawning of understanding appeared on the pig's jowly, unsightly face...his skin went very pale, and what had been the sweat of exertion and arousal became that of mortal fear. "Uh...I…" he stammered.

Crane held up three wingfeathers and spoke methodically, calmly, his voice filled with soft menace. "A) Because he was ready to die, B) Because he was sure he would win, or C) Because he was clueless?"

Kang swallowed hard, his visage shinier and slicker than ever; he was fairly certain it wasn't just the criminal's flesh but the front of his robe that was wet. "Th-th-the second one? Number two?"

"Wrong." Without warning, with the swiftness and silence his kind was known for, the avian swooped forward and caught the swine by the back of his cross-collar, hoisting him off his slippered feet and even shaking him for good measure before he brought out something he'd been holding hidden behind his back. "The correct answer was...because it's his job." And he swung.

The _pei_ from his former garb's belt, an extremely heavy and expensive carving of jade, whipped through the air as rapidly and easily as a nunchaku, but with all the force and weight of a meteor hammer. Yuwang only had time for one last strangled scream...that sounded satisfyingly more like a squeal...before it connected with the side of his head. Not hard enough to kill, but when Crane dropped him like a bag of wheat back on the bed, the pig was most certainly out cold, sprawled in a pathetic, humiliating heap that left his legs spread wide and his robes flung about to expose all his shortcomings. And that word was appropriate in more than one sense.

Chest heaving with vindication, feathers flexing spasmodically around the beribboned chain of the _pei_, the waterfowl fought the urge to wipe at his face and body—not to remove the makeup that was all that remained of his disguise, but to rub away the vile sensation, the miasma, that seemed to cling to him just from being in this house, this room, this company. He was far too dignified to spit...but he did glare down at the repugnant oaf before turning to gather lantern cords, curtain ties, and whatever else he could find to bind Kang fast. As he did, he couldn't however silence his vehement thought: _By the Jade Emperor's throne, did that feel good!_

After the thief-lord was properly and tightly tied, and Crane had taken the time to hurriedly scrub off his makeup, he grabbed hold of Kang by the thick knots in the pig's bindings and dragged him rather unceremoniously from the bedroom and back onto the balcony, intending to carry him down the stairs back to the main room (and bouncing his head on each step along the way, if he could manage it). But when he came out to the carved and lantern-hung railing, the sight he saw brought him to a sudden halt, dropping Kang's upper half with a very loud thud.

When all had gone seemingly quiet in the rest of the mansion, the avian had been certain that the rest of the girls' plan had gone off like clockwork—drugging the tea, _shaojiu_, or whatever other liquors might be on hand with opium and soporifics while the brainless bodyguards were distracted by fluttering fans, coquettish poses and giggles, and their own libidos. And from what he could see, this did seem to be the case, since everywhere he looked there were unconscious forms draped around the house—in chairs and sprawled across tables, dangling from railings and silk buntings, or simply flung in heaps on the floor (though he suspected some of them had been, ah, "helped" into such positions rather than merely passing out there).

But clearly not all of them had succumbed, or else reinforcements had returned who hadn't sampled the spiked drinks...and those guards were currently being taught the lesson to never underestimate lovely, seemingly harmless women, and in a way that only had Crane watching in marveling, rather smug, admiration.

A heavy goat thudded to the ground, knocked senseless by a well-placed roundhouse by Mei. It was the last of the guards—at least in this round, as more were audibly on the way.

"Damn, it's hard to do kicks in this get-up," she complained, looking at her half-sister, who had been gathering various knives and other small-bladed weapons. "What are you doing, Jia?" the snow leopardess wondered, furrowing her brow. Crane was wondering the same thing, although if he knew the ex-Wu Sister he had a fairly good idea what it might be.

"You'll see," Jia answered sweetly as a dozen more bull guards thundered into the rotunda. She elegantly extended one arm high above her head, as the other stretched gracefully behind her back. Held between all her fingers were several of the weapons she had been collecting, apparently since the battle began.

"I don't believe this," growled a rather wicked-looking wolf, sounding both amused and angry. "Who the hell are you two?" he demanded.

"You mean us?" Jia intoned, sounding innocent and a little flustered, which made Crane glance at her swiftly; that was rather unlike her. Her expression, however, was one of sheer delight and feline secrecy about something only she knew, and even before she spoke, he began to smile. "We're just women. You better take cover."

That last line she directed at her half-sister by momentarily cutting her gaze to Mei. Suddenly, Jia let out a joyous battle cry as she leapt high into the air, twirling around rapidly, tossing daggers, dirks, throwing stars, and other assorted weapons out in all directions, showering the room with shrapnel.

Mei's fur was standing on end, but her wits were thankfully still with her as she began spinning two _dao_ swords before her slender body like windmill blades to create a shield between her and her kin's attack, each swing timed precisely to deflect everything that came her way, whether weapons or attackers. Quite purposefully, she even directed a fair number of them towards their enemies at the doors. Men began falling like petals from cherry trees, while others hid behind their comrades, tables and other pieces of furniture, or fled back into the hall to escape the shower of death just as swiftly as they'd entered.

Finally, the display was over, and Jia was back on the ground, laughing merrily.

"What was that?" Mei asked, one paw on her hip, her tone somewhere between bemused and slightly jealous.

"My Exploding Cactus Maneuver," the snow leopardess answered with a grin.

"I didn't know you had a maneuver like that."

"I just came up with it," Jia replied with a refined smile as she examined her claws.

"That was amazing, but you are still a very strange woman." Mei was now grinning right back, even as yet more reinforcements arrived, and the waterfowl had to agree with her. "Now it's my turn," she purred with glee.

"Just let me know if you need help, dear sister," Jia answered, leaning up against a pillar casually and beginning to fan herself. The audacity almost made Crane laugh aloud, though it was perfectly to be expected from her.

Her tail twitching excitedly behind her, Mei leapt nimbly towards the massing guards, her _dao_ swinging even as she began reciting impromptu poetry.

"As the hail falls from the sky,/  
so the petals of the cherry blossoms rain."

One slice and two kicks, all in midair, took out three rhinos.

"As the wind blows my robes,/  
so my _chi_ guides my sabres."

As a hooked sword was thrust her way, she deftly bent over deeply backwards and then brought her two _dao_ together to tangle around it, twisting it out of the gorilla's hands and sending it sailing to pin one guard to the wall by catching the strap of his armor. Simultaneously, she turned a backflip, kicking the crocodile who had tried to stab her with such force that he turned one of his own before landing slumped against the base of a pillar, unconscious.

"To achieve Enlightenment, Lord Buddha tells us/  
to use the axe of Dharma/  
to cut down the Banyan Tree of Attachment."

With her swords, she sliced two bo staffs in half. Before the pieces could even hit the floor, she had rejoined her sabres, catching the two staff halves in mid-air and wielding them as twin weapons to cut and bludgeon—all the while turning, twisting, jumping evasively, and always keeping well ahead of every guard who tried to attack her. Her robes billowed and snapped around her like ribbons fluttering in the wind.

"I am the Iron Goddess of Dharma,/  
and so I cut down the wicked/  
that bind my devotees to suffering!"

Unexpectedly Mei ran several feet up a pillar and jumped off, her feet kicking out in surgical accuracy at one head after another. She stepped or leaped from one guard to the next, at other times using her paws to spring into another attack—and at no point did she ever touch the ground.

"I am the Mistress of the Flying Step;/  
I am carried aloft by the Winds of Heaven—/  
As are my weapons!"

She let loose the bo halves at the heads of two men, a lion and a tiger—and when they succeeded in dexterously dodging her attacks and were busily (and rather foolishly) congratulating themselves, she flung them again, this time right out of her paws, letting them whirl in two horizontal arcs of blurring discs around the room until they unerringly struck both of the guards right in the backs of their skulls, dropping them like so much dead weight.

Not even bothering to watch the outcome, as if she'd known it to be predetermined, the mountain cat leapt after two more guards, the gaur and horse who had been among their escort from the House of Blossoms, between the nearest wall and another pillar. Bracing herself in an upside-down split, both her feet firmly pressed into the crimson and golden wood of her twin supports, she used the scabbards of her sabres to knock their heads together, then deftly let herself fall and flip onto her feet.

A few guards still remained, but now they were keeping a great distance from her, seemingly caught between running and standing their ground. She gave the tiniest of imperceptible smiles and flourished her sabres, cutting through the air like pinwheels, her bright robes following each movement almost hypnotically.

"I say: Cast your lots!/  
Abide in Dharma, show devotion, and attain the Pure Land!/  
Or side with Mara, and be swept away/  
As the Goddess of Earth drowned Mara's army/  
By the mere wringing of her hair./  
Choose!"

After showing off various forms and flourishes, Mei finally ended her display in the same stance in which her sister had begun.

There was silence, pregnant silence, as Mei's words rang out and died, the waterfowl breathlessly committed them to memory for his later memoirs of the journey (apparently his beloved didn't mind poetry if it was _combat_-related, or Buddhist in nature), and all waited for an answer.

A cry went out, and the remaining soldiers, led by the gruff, muscular fox who had been so disparaging of felines, surged valiantly forward. Crane had to give them credit for bravery, though he suspected it was more masculine bravado and dense stubbornness that motivated them.

"I guess they're with Mara, sis," Jia quipped, clearly deciding it was time for her to rejoin the fray. While Mei had been performing, for it was much more a performance than vigorous combat, the former assassin had been fastening large jade orbs that had been decorations in the room onto the ends of thick ribbons that she had pulled from her outfit, tying the lengths of silk in great knots around the heavy _objets d'art—_surely inspired by her sibling. "My turn again, if that's okay with you."

Jia actually began leaping like a dancer across the room, showing what most would find a surprising aptitude for it—but having attended Li Dai with her, Crane knew better. Just as she landed in front of Mei, the snow leopardess let loose her ribbon, and it shot forward like a rock and struck a pig between the eyes. The younger feline closed her eyes, quite obviously letting herself simply get lost in the moment...she was dancing, actually dancing, and she looked joyful and graceful as she did it, a happiness and freedom and true love for life on her transported face that made the avian's heart ache—he hadn't seen such carefree lack of inhibition from her since their schooldays together, and had thought he'd never see it again.

The ribbons swung alternately in small or large arcs or shot suddenly, always sailing around her body as a pair of nunchaku might—and indeed, one false move would prove quite painful. Here and there, Crane could even hear the sounds of bones cracking as the heavily-weighted ends of the ribbons smashed into an arm, a muzzle, a leg. Jia's movements were so quick, so unexpected, and yet with the manner in which she moved her robes, it almost seemed to freeze her in time before evidence of her actual speed abruptly reappeared. No one could even get close to her, and they were dropping fast. In short order, every guard in the room was unconscious, and the three warriors were once more left in silence. Jia, her jade-ended ribbons now dangling from either side, put her paws together respectfully and bowed to her remaining audience.

Mei applauded—and after a few stunned moments, so did Crane. The mountain cat looked up, smirked, and lashed her tail artfully. "Oh, I'm sorry,_ băo băo_, I didn't even see you there. We'd have left some for you, but…" She gestured at the collapsed, groaning, barely conscious men lying sprawled all around the room, then began to giggle.

"I don't mind," the avian replied with undisguised awe in his voice. "I did take care of Kang myself, after all...Jia, you...that was incredible! Don't tell her I said this, but I don't think even Viper could have fought as well as you did, there at the end."

While the snow leopardess was blushing prettily, Mei Ling chuckled. "From what I know of her, Viper would agree with you, Crane. She's never one to be arrogant or put on airs, and she's always willing to recognize others for their talents and achievements." Before he could ruefully agree she was right, the mountain cat's eyes widened as she stared at something over Jia's shoulder. "Um...wait, maybe there's still someone for you to take care of after all…"

Looking in the direction she was gazing, Crane spied one guard still left standing, in the doorway of a stairwell that led down toward some darkened chamber beneath the mansion—one of the wolves they'd met at the House of Blossoms, the smarter and more civilized of the two. Although he still held a weapon now, a battle axe surprisingly large for his frame, it was held limply at his side, while his other paw was clutching one temple as he let out a fairly piteous groan.

The avian kung fu master looked questioningly at Jia; after a brief moment of blank incomprehension, she smiled gaily. "Oh! Sorry about that...um, he wasn't quite as bad as the others, but he did insist he was going to...show us a good time. I told him we were flattered, but he wouldn't take no for an answer, said he'd teach us how lovemaking was really done." She started giggling. "So...I literally had him chasing me around in circles down in the basement, and after he decided he could take me lightly, I kind of knocked him down the steps."

Moaning louder, the canine drew their attention back immediately, but it was quite clear after only a quick glance that he had no intention of attacking, or ability to for that matter. In fact as his eyes ran over the carnage around him, he not only looked dumbfounded and rather worried, but...relieved? Flinching as he met Jia's winsome gaze, then Mei's, he spoke at last, and his words confirmed it.

"No. No, don't you worry about me. Kang can't pay enough for this. _No_ one can." He tossed his axe aside and held up both paws in surrender. "In fact I'm the one who paid the price for thinking with the wrong head. I should've been a law clerk like my Baba wanted." He managed a weak smile. "Maybe it's not too late? If...you let me go?"

The felines both had their mouths open, but Crane didn't even hesitate as he nodded toward the door to the outer courtyard. "Go. Everyone gets a second chance."

His smile much more genuine now, the wolf fled as quickly as his dazed state and injury allowed.

Watching him go, Jia chuckled. "Good thing he didn't say his daddy wanted him to be a tax collector. Otherwise I still would've had to kill him."

Laughing as well, Mei started moving around the room, checking all the downed guards to ensure they were truly out of commission and then binding them too. "You have a point. Anyway, I'd call that a successful mission, wouldn't you? All we have to do is wait for the authorities." At Crane's inquisitive glance, she added, "Before we left the brothel, I made sure Madame Cui and Yan-Yan would alert the constables who weren't in Kang's pay to make their way over here after a suitable time had passed." She winked.

Crane, by this time, had joined them, dragging the still-battered pig down the stairs to the main floor. As he shoved the odious fellow beside one of his former bully boys, he wiped a wing across his brow and looked around once more. "That's it then? They're all accounted for?"

Jia nodded. "Oh yes, we knocked them all senseless."

Mei arched an eyebrow dryly. "You can't knock out what isn't there."

"True." The snow leopardess was frowning now however, seeming to be thinking hard about something—and then she looked up, gasping. "Oh no! Wait a minute, what about—?"

The mountain cat looked stricken too. "We told him to go get—"

Suddenly the doors out into the courtyard burst open, slamming into the walls, and the crocodile Fung appeared, seeming rather wild-eyed and out-of-breath. "_Finally!_ Like, you wouldn't believe how many stalls in the marketplace I had to go through before I found one that sold_ ling zhi_ mushrooms, and it, like, took all of this week's pay. You girls really owe me, yanno?" Waving around a small produce sack, the reptile grinned, showing off all his significant teeth, and Crane realized to his distinct horror that the guard was now stripped down to his loincloth. _Only_ his loincloth. And, oddly, his helmet.

Flinging his arms wide to show off his burly torso, he even shook himself in what he clearly thought was a seductive, alluring fashion. "Anyway, _here_ I am, girls! Ready for lovin'!" And he flung off his loincloth.

For several absolutely startled moments, all of them stared at each other—or rather, at Fung. That is, until Mei hurriedly averted her gaze and Crane hid his face behind his wingfeathers, although through the gaps between them he could still see Jia, her cheeks quite red, was openly ogling the croc. Then, after no one said anything, the fellow seemed to realize something was wrong, lowered his arms, and looked around. He looked at the felines...Crane, now obviously dressed and looking like a male...his boss and all of his comrades bound and unconscious...

Then, with an infuriated, disgusted groan, he turned his muzzle imploringly to the heavens, pulled off his helmet, and threw it with a loud clatter across the floor. "_Darn_ it! I'm _always_ the late one!"

A few more seconds passed—and then out of nowhere, another jade orb came flying through the air and struck Fung right in the side of his now-unprotected head. His eyes rolled up, his tongue stuck from the corner of his mouth, and then he collapsed on the ground with the others.

All eyes turned to Crane, who had been the one to throw the missile. "I'm sorry, I just—_that_ was not what I needed to see today. Or...any day, really. _Ever_."

Mei Ling and Jia continued to stare at him...turned their eyes back to the fallen crocodile...and then, clutching their sides, began as one to laugh, and laugh, and laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To finish out the _Final Fantasy VII_ shout-out, of course I had to make it so the cross-dressing male is the one selected for the seduction, and I even had fun making reference to the alternate scenarios if Tifa or Aerith get picked.
> 
> On a few cultural and movie-verse notes: I know it seemed like I was playing into the "slovenly pig" stereotype with Kang, and that this seems very at odds with how the pig is seen as the most humble and honorable animal in the Chinese zodiac. But that was actually the point: I was trying to show just how disgusting and upsetting Kang was by not just making him offend our sensibilities, but the Chinese's too by how he was demeaning and degrading his own species by his actions. 
> 
> I should also note that Crane being such a badass, almost to the point of becoming sinister when finally taking out Kang, was meant to be a shout-out to his original design in _The Art of Kung Fu Panda_ as a silent, Clint Eastwood-type who never spoke except at one significant moment and otherwise watched people from beneath the brim of his hat (and thus kept his eyes hidden until one dramatic moment, too). I did make reference to this at some points in ADL itself, particularly the scene where he confronted Vachir in Chapter 29, but after spending most of this vignette humiliating Crane (I figured after doing it to Tai Lung for so long, it was someone else's turn) it was time for him to get to be fierce and awesome again. At the same time, the awkward bit where Crane tried to flirt references the hilarious episode of the TV series where Shifu got body-switched with his old flame (and Fung of course also comes from the TV series).
> 
> Lastly I should note that the part near the end where Mei quotes poetry while fighting, and in fact a great deal of her and Jia's combat moves, was inspired by or written with the assistance of another author friend of mine who goes by Kenneth Beltan (he's one of the friends I visited in Portland, in fact). He isn't on the site, but he's a wonderful writer and just as importantly has a great deal of knowledge about Buddhism, Hinduism, and Eastern culture in general, so he's been a godsend to me and I couldn't have finished this without his help.

**Author's Note:**

> Text copyrighted 2014. Originally posted on Fanfic Dot Net. Enjoy!


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